


Discovering One and Zero, Zero and One

by Blueez, monolaytrist



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Emotional Rollercoaster, Friends to Lovers, Kyungsoo and Jongin don't have speaking lines in this story, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, non-au, sulay as fic fest mods, sulay as online lurkers, will add tags if needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-05-25 11:32:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14976299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blueez/pseuds/Blueez, https://archiveofourown.org/users/monolaytrist/pseuds/monolaytrist
Summary: ● Tale #300 from 1001 ●Junmyeon and Yixing were the mods of 1001 Tales Fic Fest.





	1. The Guardian to the Rescue

 

 

 

 

  


 

To knock or not to knock, that was the question. Yixing would leave for the airport in one hour. They had just finished eating their last dinner together, all members, while sharing talks about the comeback, their Japan tour with the SM family, anecdotes about today’s fan meeting, and Yixing had shared the new tracks he had composed during his short stay. Then, the others dispersed to cope with their overdue jet-lag and tiredness as they usually did: sleeping, reading, or playing video games. Tomorrow would begin a new week filled with hectic schedules, these few moments of resting were crucial. Junmyeon should have been sleeping, but after having crafted the idea in his head like a snowball running downhill, he had to do this. That explained why he stood outside Yixing’s door, wondering whether it was pertinent to knock, step in, and ask him.

Yixing, let’s do something for the fans.

You like writing, right, _Terrific Author of the Year?_

Hey, you and I, let’s host a fanfiction festival.

None of the hooks sounded good enough to propose his idea. His reluctance was also grounded on whether Yixing would be weirded out by his suggestion or not. Then again, Yixing had never had many restraints when it came to fanservice. Come on, the man had grabbed his inner thigh in front of cameras and dozens of staff. Besides, it had sort of become their own thing, the little subtle yet a bit over affectionate exchange. It was amusing to shut up some unfounded rumors and nonsenses whenever he and Yixing out of nowhere acted that way. Yixing didn’t seem to mind following or starting a little teasing moment either. Sometimes that had startled Junmyeon like that one time during the Exomentary Bowling Competition, or when he said he would start poking his butt a little more (which he sorts of did). But that was that, and this was this. Would this question be crossing the line?

Perhaps this would be less mortifying to ask over the phone. He would call Yixing later tonight after Yixing notified the group chat he had landed safely. If Yixing said no, then that was it. If Junmyeon asked him to keep the secret, then Yixing would.

The door opened hastily, making Junmyeon almost fall back.

“Junmyeon-ah, is something the matter?"

Junmyeon shook his head while pushing back his frames. “Leaving already?”

“Just bringing my luggage down.”

He helped Yixing carry down the baggage to the hall. Yixing walked to the dining room to wait for their manager to come to tell him it was time to go. Junmyeon sat next to him, chatting. A notification popped up while they watched today’s Inkigayo performance. When Yixing had time, they sat down like this and Yixing would give him tips to better his performances on stage. The earlier notification was from Chirp Chirp. Another post from that account he had recently started to follow. After reading it, he made his decision.

“Okay, that’s it. For my children,” Junmyeon muttered for himself, unaware that Yixing had heard him.

“What?” Yixing asked.

Junmyeon looked around. Although the members were doing their own thing, he would prefer to keep this behind closed doors. “Let’s talk in my room."

Despite the secrecy and wary eyes, Yixing followed him nonetheless. Sehun wasn’t there when they walked in, he was probably hanging out with the others. There was a clear line between what belonged to Junmyeon and what to Sehun in that room. Everyone (well, almost everyone) had gotten used to it and rarely said anything about the disarray anymore. Junmyeon took out his phone and sat down next to Yixing on the undone bed.

“We have a serious situation, Yixing,” he said, pointing at his phone, “Our fans are missing us, you and me. They’re fervently typing down their yearning for our return from the dead.”

“The only moment I don’t see any of our fans is when I close my eyes and go to sleep… And we’re dead?”

“It’s Chirp Chirp slang, something about sunken and dead ships. Just hear this.” Junmyeon cleared his throat and began reading, “I’d sell my soul if that meant I get to see sulay together again. Three loudly crying face emojis. I miss them so much. When will they breathe? Followed by six wary face emojis.”

Well, that didn’t clarify any of Yixing’s confusion.

“In capital letters: I miss sulay so f-word much. I’m crying. When will my parents return from the war?”

Junmyeon continued scrolling down the many Chirp Chirp posts.

“Again, all in cap locks: I’m crying in the club. My sulay feels. Three loudly crying face emojis.”

“It’s been ages. I’m starving. When will they feed me again? One crying face emoji and a broken heart.”

“How long is this drought gonna last? F-K-D-J-F-K-K-D-K-S-K.”

“Stay strong sulay shippers T-T. They’ll come back."

That was heartbreaking. Just like it had been the first time Junmyeon had come across it on Chirp Chirp. As per usual he had been reading the posts on his timeline, clicking in a hashtag, coming across one fan account or two, or many, curiously trying to find out what was going on with the fans. People had been talking about the stages and performances, the outfits, streaming, charts, and so on. But then one international fan had retweeted about missing ‘sulay.’ Some clicks and search later, and he knew everything.

Junmyeon lifted his gaze to see Yixing. “Yixing, we have to do something about this.”

Based on that countenance, the tilted head, there must have a been a thousand questions Yixing wanted to ask. He went with this one, “What’s a Sulay?”

“It’s us, Yixing. That’s how they call our couple name.”

At that Yixing let out a horrified gasp. His eyebrows met down in a frown. “ _That’s_ what they call us?

“Yeah, for Suho and Lay, you know, a combination of our stage names.”

“I thought we were xìngmiǎn?”

“Huh…?”

Yixing shook his head, his wavy hair stuck under his beanie swung back and forth, giving him an appearance unable to smile at.

“Fans on Weibo call us that. We’re _xìngmiǎn_. Or _tùtù_ line. Everyone knows that.”

“But this is Chirp Chirp. And most international fans call us sulay.”

“Wait, what’s Chirp Chirp? Is it a game? Like interactive Angry Birds?” Yixing asked, his eyes widening at that and arms hugging himself.

Right. “No, it’s Twitter dot com.”

“Oh.” Yixing breathed out. He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess that makes sense. They would have mangled our name anyway. Some still call me Yick sing.”

His name wasn’t the only one that went through that. “Back to the main point, we have to do something. Something to let people know that sulay aren’t dead.”

Yixing interrupted him, “What’s up with people saying we’re dead?”

He should probably provide Chirp Chirp lingo 101 lessons to Yixing. The man seemed so lost. Junmyeon took a mental note of it. One day when Yixing didn’t have to leave shortly for the airport, or during a Skype call.

“You’d be surprised with what goes on over there. But think of it this way, it’s just a form of saying our couple is inactive. Yes, inactive because we haven’t publicly interacted in a long time. And that’s not something we can do easily as of now… I don’t think our simultaneous updates are enough to keep their spirits high.”

They both knew why very well. For now, they would have to lay low. That didn’t mean they should entirely. Whenever they were catching up over the phone or on KakaoTalk, he and Yixing would decide to update their fans at the same time. It was subtle but seemed to work.

Yixing’s lips formed a circle while he let out an oh. “So, that’s why they’re saying they miss their parents? We’re their parents?”

“Yeah.”

“And the drought, and hunger, and breathing, and selling their souls, and coming back from the war, all means they want to see us interact again? No one is actually thirsty, or hungry, or involved in some scary business?”

“It’s all a strange figure of speech.”

Yixing chuckled while caressing his chin, pensive. “Well, we can change that…” He walked over to Junmyeon’s dresser, searching in the drawers. “Aha!” Yixing exclaimed, holding Junmyeon’s rainbow-colored tank-top, the one he had worn for one of the Ko Ko Bop photoshoots. Yixing took off his black t-shirt and put on the tank-top instead. “I think this will show the fans we’ve survived ‘the war.’ Get it?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

That was brilliant. Oh, how he missed the other person who could match his sense of humor. “Did you just want an excuse to take my tank top?”

A sheepish smile formed on Yixing’s face. “I like it. You don’t mind, do you?”

He rarely wore tank tops, so of course, he didn’t. Besides, Junmyeon was sure this simple, subtle, action would blow up on the Chirp Chirp sphere. Fans were expert at finding some meaning in the simplest of things. “Go ahead, take it.”

Yixing paced around the room. “Thanks. But that’s not what you wanted to talk about, right? What is it?”

Here it goes. “Weshouldholdaficfest,” he gabbled.

“A big fest?”

One breath in. “No, a fic fest. It’s this thing I read on Chirp Chirp.”

Junmyeon had been lost at first too. While he had looked through Chirp Chirp, he encountered someone ‘yelling’ when there would be another sulay fest. Like Yixing, his initial thought had been it was about fans organizing a party celebrating them, or something along those lines. Then, he dug more into it and realized he had been so mistaken.

It wasn’t unknown among them that fans wrote fanfiction about them and their couples, or ‘ships’ as the Chirp Chirp crowd called it. The other members shrugged their shoulders at it, and that was it. But Junmyeon had been curious and actually read some marvelous works, not about him, but about the others. Some fans were indeed talented. For days he hadn’t been able to get the _See you tomorrow, hyung. Don’t forget!_ out of his head. Just looking at the two persons involved had made his eyes glisten more than once. But this whole fanfiction reader thing had been his secret, his own little secret. Not anymore, though, because here he was admitting all of it to Yixing, who so far hadn’t laughed at him or said he was odd.

Therefore, Junmyeon knew what fanfiction was. What he hadn’t known was that fans liked to gather in these ‘fests,’ come up with ideas or ‘prompts,’ and writers would get, or ‘claim,’ one prompt and anonymously write a story during a determined amount of time. Then, near the end, people would guess who had written what, and the fest would end by revealing the writer’s identity. These fests could be about a certain theme or couple, no, ship. And it was organized by moderators or ‘mods.’ All in all, it didn’t sound that difficult to host one, right? Prompt, claim, write, guess and reveal. That was it. Because Junmyeon’s idea was to make one about them, his and Yixing’s couple, sulay. Apparently, the last time someone had done one was eons ago. And surprisingly their couple wasn’t even popular (he had gasped at finding out some people still called them a leftover couple). Not many people claimed the prompts about them. Thus, they might not be able to give their fans, their shippers, new interactions, but they could give them new stories to be amused with. It was the perfect solution to show that sulay wasn’t dead. And he thought Yixing giving him a helping hand, wouldn’t only be ironic because it was the two of them behind the screens, but it would be something they could do together.

The whole time Junmyeon had explained himself, Yixing had paced around. When the rambling was over, Yixing came to a halt. His hands were behind his back as he stared out the window blinds.

The more seconds that passed, the more Junmyeon’s heart leaped. Maybe it had been out of place to tell Yixing this. It would have been better if he had done it on his own, he could. But then Yixing took him by surprise again.

“Fanfiction, huh?” he said, turning around and showing those characteristic dimples of his. “I like your idea. It’s time we rise from the ‘dead.’ And we get to talk to the fans. They’ll never suspect the mastermind behind everything is us.”

Junmyeon returned the mischievous smile. They really did think alike, well, most of the times. “We’ll be like social media undercover agents.

“That’s so true. We can like wear dark shades and maybe a fancy suit.”

“Totally! So, you’re onboard?”

“Yeah.”

“Great!” He grinned. “First thing first, get a Chirp Chirp account. If you’re gonna help me, you need to know your Chirp Chirp slang. So, we blend in and stuff, you know, to be undercover. I’ll send you my profile on KakaoTalk, and I’ll explain everything you need to know.”

Yixing nodded yes at everything. “I’ll do it right away.”

But Jongin opened the door just then and told Yixing that the manager was looking for him, they had to leave for the airport now.

“I think I’m gonna be flying back here on August ten and stay for around one week. We can look more into this then, Junmyeon,” Yixing said. He smiled before giving Junmyeon a quick wave and saying goodbye.

“Have a safe flight, Yixing,” Junmyeon said.

When Yixing closed the door, Junmyeon threw himself on his bed.

It had worked. His crazy, maybe a little odd idea had worked. It’ll be a first time for him, but he kind of looked forward a bit to see what things people would come up with. Before dwelling too much into it and Sehun reprimanded him for not picking up his clothes from the floor all day, Junmyeon began cleaning his part. Although by tomorrow he was sure it would look the same.

By the time Junmyeon rested in bed, room more presentable, and he and Sehun were getting ready to sleep, he checked his Chirp Chirp one last time. Surprise, surprise, Yixing wearing his tank top had made the timeline go haywire. He couldn’t help laughing while scrolling down, retweeting or liking a post here and there.

Oh, they had no idea what awaited them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! ^0^
> 
> For the past months, I've had the pleasure to work alongside my lovely friend Is~ It has been so much fun to come up with this idea! And I'm excited you'll finally get to read it :D I hope the person who prompted this and you all find this as entertaining as we have while planning and writing it. 
> 
> Also, this is a new form of writing for me. Non-AUs aren't really my thing. I found it difficult to fully catch the essence of mien and demeanor of the wonderful Junmyeon. So, yeah, you'll have to take my writing of him with a grain of salt ^^"
> 
> Lastly, all credits of the quote _"See you tomorrow, hyung. Don't forget!"_ go to Anterograde Tomorrow written by Changdictator.


	2. 百闻不如一见

  
  


  


“Yixing, we have to do something about this.”

Junmyeon’s words hung awkwardly around the room like the sock on the lamp shade Yixing had been trying to ignore and avoid thinking a reason for why it was there in the first place.

Thick, furrowed brows and teary eyes greeted Yixing when his roaming gaze went back to the person sitting next to him. His mind was still trying to wrap around the concept of _this_ and why Junmyeon was taking accountability for something which barely made any sense.

“What’s a _sulay_?” he asked, a bit surprised when the minute twitching of Junmyeon’s eyebrow seemed like the other was expecting that kind of question from him.

“It’s us, Yixing. That’s how they call our couple name,” Junmyeon answered.

The vague familiarity of the name didn’t stop Yixing from letting out a gasp. And he just had to clarify that _that_ was their couple name. Again. For the reason that, apparently, his brain stopped for the second time today upon hearing the word ‘ _couple_ ’ from Junmyeon; the first time being Junmyeon’s frantic ‘ _my children_ ’ which almost gave Yixing a cardiac arrest because how(???) and when(???). Also, he liked entertaining the thought that he was compelled to say ‘ _couple_ ’ out loud.

“Yeah, for Suho and Lay, you know, a combination of our stage names.”

“I thought we were _xìngmiǎn_?”

Junmyeon’s face crumpled at Yixing's question and it was his turn to explain that it was their couple name on Weibo. More whimsical fans called them the rabbit line and even Yixing knew that. Rabbits were his favourite, although sheep line, he thought, would be more apt.

“But this is Chirp Chirp. And most international fans call us sulay,” argued Junmyeon when Yixing was about to ramble about what he had found over Weibo with the xìngmiǎn tag.

Yixing paused.

He finally understood the sulay but not the Chirp Chirp. Junmyeon kept mentioning it but he wasn’t sure whether it was a new app the company had launched for the fans or a new online game the other members were secretly playing. And his addled brain just had to clarify. Once again.

“It’s Twitter dot com,” Junmyeon supplied like Yixing was acutely disappointing for not knowing.

Yixing just chalked the tone up to Junmyeon’s strong personality (which he had always liked by the way); no harm done, people should move on. Not to mention, he of course knew about Twitter. _The_ Twitter which was partially blocked in mainland by the way. And something which he didn’t really need when Weibo was already reliable enough.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense,” he told Junmyeon while his mind tried to be familiar with sulay and Chirp Chirp like an awkward handshake.

Yixing tried to reason with himself that although xìngmiǎn sounded better, maybe a lot of people, especially international fans, still couldn’t pronounce his name right. Thus, they were known as sulay and he should not complain. He nodded to his thoughts, all the while forgetting about his brain to mouth filter.

“They would have mangled our name anyway. Some still call me Yick sing.” Or _Icing_. Which was sweet if they were talking about cakes… ah, he suddenly remembered that cake Junmyeon made months back.

Junmyeon easily noticed his mind slipping from the present with the way he waved in front of Yixing’s face. “Back to the main point, we have to do something. Something to let people know that sulay aren’t dead.”

The last word from the other was another thing which yet again defeated him— _dead_. 

How come people would go at great lengths not believing which was true? He and Junmyeon were still breathing and have physical bodies which the fans had seen recently—he in a recent fansign while Junmyeon in a performance with the rest of the members just this morning.

“What’s up with people saying we’re dead?” Yixing asked.

He noticed Junmyeon deflating a little with his question and with a deep breath, answered, “You’d be surprised with what goes on over there. But think of it this way, it’s just a form of saying our couple is inactive. I mean, we haven’t publicly interacted in a long time. And that’s not something we can do easily as of now…”

Inactivity didn’t necessarily mean dead. Surely it could lead to death like the case in muscle atrophy... but the thought of people thinking _him and Junmyeon a couple_ greatly overshadowed his argument about people’s word choice and how the concept of synonym was just an illusion. 

“So that’s why they’re saying they miss their parents? We’re their parents?” Yixing asked, curiously impressed this time.

Junmyeon’s nodding and a soft ‘yeah’ only made the growing grin on his face stretch wider. He ventured, high spirits restored in a blink, “And the drought, and hunger, and breathing, and selling their souls, and coming back from the war, all means they want to see us interact again? No one is actually thirsty, or hungry, or involved in some scary business?”

The older shook his head and supplied, “It’s all a strange figure of speech.”

It was a relief to him, that kids were at least spending their time online being literary aware. He remember reading about The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, too—about Pestilence, War, Famine and Death personified from an entry in the Bible. It was the mere mention of the lamb which actually convinced Yixing to read it. And earlier when Junmyeon was moaning as if doomsday had come, Yixing somehow thought he was accountable as the lamb who unleashed the four horsemen because he’d been promoting himself as a sheep non-stop for years. There had been this vague dread blanketing him for even considering that he had unconsciously brought the end of the world. But thanks to people’s strange usage of words—again—his thoughts were proven wrong.

He was thinking about the huge relief brought about by Junmyeon’s clarification while pacing the room until his gaze fell on the drawer of clothes in the corner. There was a colourful cloth thrown into one of the drawers which the owner had failed to tuck well.

“Aha!” Yixing announced upon pulling out the rainbow-coloured top. He didn’t hold any reservations when he stripped his t-shirt off and wore the tank top he discovered.

It felt nice wearing something he had only been familiar with on screen and seeing Junmyeon’s smile when he turned to show him. The countless replay of the group’s Ko Ko Bop music video and the rainbow tank top which almost made him hallucinate greatly paid off.

“I think this should show the fans we’ve survived ‘ _the war_.’ Get it?” he asked with some effortful eyebrow waggle. He hoped Junmyeon could see it with the amount of lighting in the room, knowing that his eyebrows were a bit on the timid side that they tend to disappear even in the most important moments.

“Did you just want an excuse to take my tank top?”

 _Whatever_. Excuses. It would take Yixing just to be a bit closer? Maybe? He wasn’t so sure either.

Or was he?

He could only smile at the guy watching him now. “You don’t mind, do you?” he asked Junmyeon.

It wasn’t some drastic action which would be misinterpreted by Junmyeon, right? Baekhyun would sometimes pick up some pair of boxers from the laundry basket which wasn’t his and wear it. Or Junmyeon would borrow clothes from Jongdae at times. Surely, Junmyeon lending him a top should never be a big deal.

“Go ahead, take it.” Junmyeon easily agreed.

See? It was just Yixing being paranoid when his suggestion was basically just some sort of loitering in Junmyeon’s room.

Yixing paced around to calm his racing heart from glee brought about by the highly colourful shirt he was wearing. He needed to appear like usual—if not pensive, lost. Other people’s perception of his usual self. “Thanks,” he told Junmyeon. “But that’s not what you wanted to talk about, right? What is it?”

Junmyeon opened his mouth and Yixing waited for the words to come out. But then, the former closed it distractedly like a fish out of a water. On occasions, Junmyeon looked adorable being reserved but Yixing thought this wasn’t the time for the other to be suddenly shy between them. Besides, there were no other people to judge them.

He was about to assure Junmyeon when the other’s deep inhale cut his words off. A few seconds of silence and when Yixing thought that Junmyeon would speak on the fourth beat in his head, the older defeated him into speaking on the third and half. The timing was rather disconcerting but Junmyeon was notorious for moving a few nanoseconds too early and against the general beat of everything in life.

Yixing’s ears then tried to deliver what it heard to his brain and once the sensory input had reached the soft (while most people who personally knew him would cry ‘ _hard_ ’) organ inside his skull, Junmyeon’s words didn’t seem to register anything.

“Weshouldholdaficfest.”

That was what Junmyeon said. But Yixing was, once again, confused.

♦

The rustling of people moving about outside his room in his hotel suite softened as Yixing made himself comfortable on his king-sized bed.

One of his assistants had come in a while back to warn him about not staying up too late tonight because they would have to be up early tomorrow only had Yixing humming noncommittally as he opened his phone.

It had been hours since he arrived in Shanghai and that would mean a considerable amount of messages from people either wishing him a safe trip (from the other members especially Baekhyun) or a welcome greeting (from his Go Fighting brothers).

He scrolled down the threads looking for a name. On a normal day, his conversation thread with Junmyeon would barely have any messages. This time, though, the other's name was boldly making itself noticeable with a notification that Junmyeon had sent a link.

‘Here’s my Chirp Chirp profile’, Junmyeon messaged.

Seeing that the older was still online, Yixing hurriedly typed a reply.

'I’ve asked the staff how to access Chirp Chirp via mobile here. I feel like a badass right now,’ he sent.

'We’re undercover agents for our children’ was Junmyeon’s immediate answer with a shades emoji.

 _Our children_. Yixing grinned and might have chuckled out loud at Junmyeon’s word choice.

'Right, right. We shouldn’t keep our babies waiting, should we?’ he returned as he tapped the link and watched it load in about a second or two.

  
  


_Cute_. Or whatever nice thing to say which would suit Junmyeon because he surely deserved that. Yixing immediately thought up of a username which would answer Junmyeon’s adorable play on ‘veni vidi vici’.

‘Panta rhei’—one cannot step in the same river twice. The concept of impermanence in Chinese philosophy. And the maxim’s allusion to water because ‘ _everything flows_ ’.

Yixing completed his bio and tried his best not to say something about his upcoming album because he was supposed to be undercover.

'What do you think?’ he asked Junmyeon, who was still surprisingly wide awake and online at past two in the morning. Yixing included the link to his account as he waited for Junmyeon’s reply.

  
  


Junmyeon had seen his message, although things started to run in Yixing’s mind because it was taking a while for the other to reply.

Ah, maybe he already fell asleep, he thought. Junmyeon was one of the stickler in sleepy time among the members anyway; he would sleep because he was capable of doing so with most things considered.

He was watching the second video he found online—yawning bunnies, eating bunnies, sleeping bunnies, cute bunnies, everything bunnies—when a notification flashed at the top of his screen.

‘ **Junmyeon** : I think it's better if you change your Chirp Chirp dp’ it said.

Yixing immediately opened their conversation thread to ask ‘Why?’.

‘Yixing, your profile is too telling,’ replied Junmyeon.

Now, he didn’t understand what Junmyeon was trying to say. It wasn’t even using a photo of his own face—which fans tended to do. Even his bio was pretty okay because he knew young fans could get competitive and he wasn’t totally lying that he was his own greatest fan (aside from his ma or grandma of course).

Instead of sending another ‘why?’ he agreed to himself that a confused Tuzki sticker would do the job just fine.

‘I don’t think your greatest fan would love China more than they love you,’ came Junmyeon’s answer.

‘That doesn’t mean I don’t have a fan who loves China as much as they love me.’ Tuzki-slapping-the-tabletop-to-prove-a-point sticker this time.

‘We’re supposed to be undercover, Yixing.

‘Anybody whose bias is you would put two and two together that that account is most probably yours.

‘And any sleuthing fan who’d be willing to break laws could easily confirm it is really yours.’

Hmmm. Yixing absently brought his pointer finger to his mouth to bite on it. Junmyeon made sense but there was still hesitation on his part. It took him some time to search for an aesthetically pleasing picture of his country’s flag in the first place.

‘I don’t want to change it right now,’ he admitted.

‘It’s fine. I just hope you think about it before we decide on the fic fest proper,’ conceded the older.

Maybe he could find a more fitting picture from his photoshoots soon—something that would be Junmyeon Quality Content Check passable.

‘Ah, I’ll be back in Seoul on the 10th by the way,’ Yixing messaged.

‘Really?’

A Tuzki in a victorious pose with flying stars sticker was his confirmation.

‘Work?’ Junmyeon briefly followed.

‘I’m free on that day.’ Then maybe Yixing could see Junmyeon longer.

'We can talk about the tales fest and put plans into action,’ he followed, already thinking about asking Junmyeon to head to somewhere nice with good food. He remembered mentioning about a meat barbecue party before but did not have the chance to do it due to their conflicting schedules. That would be nice.

‘Let me know of your schedule so I can plan for our meeting,’ replied Junmyeon with a smiling emoji.

Yixing would like to tell him that they could have all day to talk about the tales fest and other topics. Maybe by the tenth they would have enough time to have a conversation more meaningful than the temperature in their respective area or their packed schedule.

He sent another okay [Tuzki] sticker and followed it with ‘Can’t wait to see you’ ...which he immediately followed with, ‘And the rest.’

Junmyeon replied with a simple ‘Same. Good night Yixing.’ Smiley emoji.

And somehow, it felt nice and cozy.

♦

Yixing’s phone pinged upon touchdown on Incheon, notifying him of a message from his little secretary with pictures attached from his most recent photoshoot. He thought for a bit whether he’d be using one of the pictures and came up with an idea.

Soon, he was having a new display picture on Chirp Chirp enough to stop Junmyeon from complaining about the flag of China he had set before.

The change was timely since he didn’t want to personally hear Junmyeon moan about his display picture choices and for it to cause unnecessary drama because Yixing was very tempted to argue that there would surely be a fan of his who loved China as much as he did. This was Junmyeon he was facing, though. And upset Junmyeon was a challenge to deal with. At least for him.

He was typing a message to the other about his profile update when Junmyeon suddenly sent him successive ‘WHY????’ ‘PLEASE EXPLAIN!!!!’ and ‘YOUR CHIRP CHIRP PROFILE PICTURE!!!’ in their chat.

This had him scratching his head because according to one of Junmyeon’s Chirp Chirp Slang 101 lessons a few days back, to type in capital letters equaled 'intense feels' or shouting. Junmyeon was shouting at him, making him wonder what he had done wrong this time.

♦

“Hearing something one hundred times is not as good as seeing it once.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First step forward in this collab with a good friend and a great writer, Caro, and I do hope you've enjoyed reading our Chapters 1 as much as we enjoy planning and writing it.
> 
> As Caro mentioned in her note, do take anything we've written with a grain of salt. This is just a fic and as much as we are trying to make the characters in this story as decent, idealised versions of the real people they were based from, they will only be, and will remain as, idealisations.


	3. The Initiation

 

 

  


 

 

Amid dance practices, waking up early for recordings, even traveling abroad for performances with the rest of the company, Junmyeon had found time to communicate with Yixing almost daily. The exchanges had become a highlight of Junmyeon’s day, bringing him an occasional broad smile from time to time and people wondering what he grinned at so much. One night they had even video chatted through Skype, and Yixing, like a straight-A student, had taken extensive notes on what Junmyeon explained regarding Chirp Chirp slang 101. That dedication had reminded him of his earlier years when he had balanced studies alongside training. A thought to test Yixing on a quiz had appeared, like motivate which GIFs went along with X statement or explain the real meaning behind the phrase ‘Y is the king of Z’ (needless to say Yixing had been perplexed when he first learned people referred to him as ‘king of China’). But Yixing proved to have the slangs covered either way. His Chirp Chirp posts could pass as any other thrilled fan’s. Earlier today, Junmyeon had grinned when he saw how Yixing had congratulated the group for their Triple Crown at M Countdown. Yixing had also attached a screenshot of the encore moment in which Junmyeon had held the little trophy guy on top of his head. The picture even had heart stickers scattered all over! He had taught him well.

On the way back to the dorm from their evening dance practice, Junmyeon was keeping himself posted with the latest updates on his social media accounts (whenever he didn’t feel like taking a nap). His fingers had tapped to check out the Chirp Chirp app, his thumb slid down in an attempt to refresh the timeline and catch the latest influx of cheers when an old post attacked him. Literally. A rather involuntarily squeal left his lips, attracting his seatmate’s attention. Chirp Chirp’s disinclination to chronological feeds had brought back that post under the ‘In case you missed it.’ How could Junmyeon have missed that?

Kyungsoo took out his earbuds and asked if he was okay.

_HOW COULD ANYONE BE?_

Junmyeon cast aside the thought and nodded his head while reassuring Kyungsoo he had just seen one of those videos where a scary, screaming lady appeared. The other guys didn’t push the topic further and went back to their own thing while Junmyeon pushed down his cap and fixed his gaze back to his phone. His mind didn’t focus on Yixing’s congratulations post but on his newest display picture. Immediately, he closed the app and went to their KakaoTalk chat, where Yixing was apparently typing something, but Junmyeon beat him to it and sent him the following messages:

‘WHY????

PLEASE EXPLAIN!!!!!

YOUR CHIRP CHIRP PROFILE PICTURE!!!’

Yixing stopped his typing for a few seconds. Junmyeon got a response shortly after.

‘I thought you’d be happy I changed the flag?’ Yixing messaged and inserted a questioning rabbit sticker.

Indeed, Junmyeon was relieved to know the flag had been replaced. His nagging, although it was a quality of his that most people could find annoying, had worked. Less chance of someone suspecting who they were. He just didn’t know if the substitute was PG-13 enough. Although an emoji sticking out its tongue was covering the face, the naked body in the pool must be none other than Yixing. Not that Junmyeon had been looking too much at Yixing’s chest before… But two things clearly gave away it had to be him.

‘IT’S YOU RIGHT???? YOU’RE NAKED!!!!!’ was Junmyeon’s next response, and he couldn’t help adding the face screaming in fear emoji, although he was feeling far from scared.

‘Hold on

Are you shouting at me or is this Chirp Chirp slang and you’re bursting with intense feelings?’

The warmness spreading across his cheeks seemed to linger there and threatened to intensify. He wasn’t shouting at Yixing, internally screeching although it was strange because they had lived together and Yixing had always been comfortable showing off his body, but it was the first time Junmyeon found himself blushing, sure. Admitting the latter option would be… out of place.

‘Sorry, my fingers slipped >_<’

Junmyeon brought his palm to his face while thinking how lame that excuse sounded. As if his eyes hadn’t been looking at his keyboard while his thumb tapped on the exclamation marks. He only hoped Yixing wasn’t offended thinking he had been angry with him and shouted; it was far from it.

‘Oh,’ came Yixing’s next reply. ‘I see. Well, I had a photo shoot some days ago. They are not posted yet, but it’s the only picture I like. That’s why.’

THERE WAS MORE? Junmyeon thought while his eyes widened. To his rescue, just before his mind was tempted to imagine a Yixing photoshoot at the pool, the car stopped. People began grabbing their stuff and leaving. He would have to convince, or nag, Yixing that although yes, the new display picture suited better, it wasn’t precisely… what ~~Junmyeon’s~~ people’s heart could take. And although Yixing only had four followers (Junmyeon and the other members that used Chirp Chirp) it could be risky, an outsider could find his profile and therefore find them, even if an emoji was hiding Yixing’s face. Or they could think Yixing’s account was a stalker that had hacked into his phone… Either way, the picture had to go.

‘We’ll talk about it later. I’m back at the dorm. Where are you?’ Junmyeon asked while making his way out of the car.

‘On my way there too. See you soon.’

Junmyeon replied a simple ‘Yeah.’

While waiting for Yixing to arrive, Junmyeon skipped eating the take-out food with the rest of the guys and went upstairs to get himself ready to go out again. He was reeking of sweat, and that wouldn’t be a proper appearance for tonight. A couple of days ago Yixing had mentioned they could go eat at a barbecue restaurant, he fancied some bulgogi, but mainly they could discuss the fest’s details and stuff. There wasn’t any place more private than their dorm (most of the times), but there was a chance anyone would walk-in if they were in the common areas or Sehun would be in Junmyeon’s room or something else. With that in mind, Junmyeon had accepted Yixing’s invitation, but of course he’ll make sure to pay, he was the older one after all. When he was ready to go, Junmyeon laid on his bed and opened Chirp Chirp again. His curious fingers had tapped its way to Yixing’s profile and display picture. Wow, it was clear that Yixing must have been working out recently. _I mean, look at that toned_ -

“Junmyeon!”

Sehun had opened the door and called his name, making Junmyeon drop his phone and hit himself on the face. Damn snooping. Junmyeon rubbed his T-zone while asking what Sehun wanted.

“Yixing has arrived.”

He nodded, saying he’ll be down in a second. Luckily, Sehun had left the room before seeing how Junmyeon’s cheeks blushed a little. Well, they hadn’t seen much of Yixing these past months, and now he had seen lots of Yixing, that could be an explanation. He grabbed the bag with his computer and other stuff they might need (like chargers), he also put on his sunglasses, a cap and held his facemask in one hand. They would have to skip the suit, sadly, it would only make them stand out.

Downstairs, Sehun, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun were talking to Yixing in the living room. They were discussing today’s third win in a row when Yixing noticed Junmyeon approaching them.

“Junmyeon. Ready to go?” Yixing asked. He had been waiting for him sitting on the couch’s armrest and still wore his shoes and backpack. Junmyeon nodded while walking over to the hall, the others following him close behind.

“Where are you two going?” Baekhyun questioned them while crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Dinner. We’re gonna eat out,” Yixing answered.

“So, that’s why Junmyeon didn’t eat with us,” Chanyeol stated the obvious, “He never says no to Subway.”

“Wait, tonight? Only you two? You’re not gonna treat us?” Sehun asked and pouted, clearly disappointed by hearing that.

“No, I’m afraid it’s only Yixing and me,” Junmyeon said. He put on his shoes and face mask.

“Mean,” Sehun retorted and stuck out his tongue at Junmyeon, an action he reciprocated by shaking his head and holding in a laugh.

“We can all go out tomorrow, Sehunnie,” Yixing hopped in and consoled the youngest, showing him a dimpled smile, which seemed to have worked, if that could explain Sehun grinning and saying Yixing was always so thoughtful. Then, Yixing and Junmyeon made their way out.

“ _Have fun you two_ ,” Baekhyun said and gave them a smug smile before closing the door. Junmyeon pushed his facemask further to cover his reddening cheeks. It was just dinner!

One of their managers dropped them off at the barbecue restaurant. Yixing had also followed the dress code and wore a dark hoodie, a cap, and dark shades. Thanks to their undercover agents disguise, not so many people recognized them when they walked inside the restaurant. Yixing had also reserved for them a private room to eat at. They made themselves comfortable on opposite sides of the table. The waitress was lost for words when she noticed who they were without their cover. Eventually, she regained composure and took their order. Leaving them on their own again, Yixing and Junmyeon talked while waiting for their food. Most of it was trivial. The usual, how are things going? Fine, just working, working and working. Did they ever do anything else? Laughter filled the room. Any news about the comeback? The title track had been decided on both sides, but Yixing was ahead and would be practicing his new choreography in the upcoming days. When all those topics were covered, the waitress accompanied by someone else brought in the meat, side dishes, beverages and later they prepared the grill. When they left, Junmyeon began grilling the bulgogi, but Yixing took turns too. When eating with Yixing, the younger sometimes had the habit of sharing the food by feeding them into the mouths of the recipients. Tonight, wasn’t the exception and Yixing was eagerly throwing stuff into Junmyeon’s mouth, telling him how tasty this or that was. Truth be told, Junmyeon couldn’t complain at the attention. He also liked to be pampered… When it came to drinks, Junmyeon had been drinking one small glass of soju with his dinner, only in moderation because it was Thursday and they’ll have more schedules tomorrow, or actually during the rest of the week. Yixing, on the other hand, drank some crystal water as usual. Not much talking about the fest had been made at first. Strangely, they had talked about other things, like anecdotes, shared memories of their earlier days and how things were so different from then. Even thoughts about their dreams, the future, and whatnot. One of those intimate conversations in which you connect more and more with someone you thought you knew, and you wonder how come this hasn’t occurred before? Then again, not seeing each for months or weeks could be a factor. Some rather ‘not funny’ jokes, as Jongdae would have called them, were also thrown here and there too. Yixing laughing at his humor had boosted Junmyeon’s confidence to the roof. It wasn’t until they had eaten for what felt like days to come that Yixing brought up the main topic of the night. Junmyeon had been having such a great time with such a great company that he only now remembered what they were doing there in the first place.

“So, what should we do about the tales fest?”

Tales? The word had made Junmyeon frown in confusion. “Don’t you mean fic fest?”

Yixing’s lips curved into a smile. “Yeah, but I’ve been calling them tales in my mind. I feel this will result in some kind of anthology filled with tales… About us. I don’t know, it’s just an idea.” He shrugged his shoulders and reached for his glass of water.

Junmyeon caressed his chin while reflecting on Yixing’s words. In a way that made sense. Besides, it gave him an idea. None of the other fic fests Junmyeon had investigated had a ‘tales’ in their name. He nodded in approval. “Actually, that sounds great. We can use the word tales as part of our fest’s name. But we need to add something.”

“How about Sheep Tales? Wait no, that’s what I’m naming my album. Sheep, not sheep tales, but still.”

“Sulay tales?” By the grimace on Yixing’s face, it seemed the ship name still wasn’t his cup of tea. “Name hasn’t sunk in yet?”

“Xìngmiǎn still sounds better to my ears… Ninety-one-line tales?”

“It’s not _us_ enough,” The name was easy enough to remember, but somehow it should also be related to them exclusively. Anyone could be a 91-liner. “Healing droplets of unicorn tales? Our superpowers seem to be popular among fans.” It sure was, one fest with that theme would even start soon. Between the members, though, it could be quite embarrassing to admit their extraterrestrial nature at times. But Junmyeon thought it was hip and very entertaining to include during the filming of some of their music videos. It was no wonder he was looking forward to the upcoming re-packaged album.

“But are unicorns really healing creatures? They have this sharp horn on their head that could stab you to death. There’s nothing cute about that. And exactly where would the droplets come from?”

It was impossible not to chuckle at how Yixing sometimes thought out loud. Junmyeon liked that of him.

“The name’s too long, though,” Yixing added.

Junmyeon had to agree with that. He had gone one step too far into keeping the name should be related to them. His face lit up with enthusiasm when he got it. “Zero-one and ten tales!” he blurted.

Yixing caught the allusion and smiled in approval until he pouted almost like Sehun had done earlier. “But why does your number get to be first? Your syllable is already the first one in our ship name.”

“Fine, ten and zero-one tales. One thousand and one tales, then?”

And that had Yixing pleased, a lot apparently because he reached his arms forward to feed Junmyeon again. “Much better,” Yixing said while grinning.

With the name decided they could move forward. Junmyeon put some of the plates on the other side of the grill and made room for his computer. Yixing went to sit next to him, their shoulders almost bumping one another. The next step of the fest adventure was to create social media accounts, like a Google, Chirp Chirp and Miaow Miaow account, and a blog where to publish their longer posts.

“Miaow Miaow?” Yixing asked. “What’s that? Where to watch cat videos? I prefer watching bunnies… What sound do bunnies do?”

Junmyeon had always found Yixing’s confusion charming. “No, it’s this site called Curious Cat the kids are using to send each other questions or messages anonymously. They can reach us that way too.”

Yixing hummed, probably thinking about cats, or bunnies, or why people named their sites something associated with animals. Junmyeon began filling in the information on the Google account registration form. First name, 1001. Last name, Tales. Username, 1001 Tales. Password, they choose something easy that they both could remember. And when they had an e-mail account, they proceeded to get a Chirp Chirp and Meow Meow and the blog. Junmyeon also showed Yixing the note he had taken earlier with his suggestion for the fest schedules. Yixing had liked the idea that the fest started officially on his birthday. The only thing remaining was graphics.

“I know some basic graphic design. I can take care of it,” Junmyeon suggested. It would probably not be as impressive as some of the other fests, but it was better than nothing.

Yixing agreed and said, “And I can help you writing those posts you talked about, introduction something?”

“You’re more eloquent in that aspect, so that’d be great.”

Looking at the clock on the screen it was already eight in the evening. Not alarmingly late, but both had to wake up at dawn tomorrow. They decided to call it a night. There were still many details left, but they had made considerable progress tonight. Junmyeon closed his computer and put it back in his bag. They stood up at the same time. Just as Junmyeon reached for the check on the table, Yixing’s hand did the same time. Their gazes found each other, the corner of their lips curved into smiles, but neither of them let go of the piece of paper.

“Yixing, let me take care of it,” Junmyeon said.

“But I invited you here, Junmyeon, let me pay,” Yixing reasoned.

That was true, but he couldn’t let the youngster do that. Where would his manners go in that case? “I couldn’t. It should be me.”

“You paid the last time. You always pay, Junmyeon.”

“I don’t mind. It’s really my pleasure,” Junmyeon said, leaning forward to show Yixing the seriousness of his words.

Yixing also leaned closer while saying, “Please, just allow me.”

Usually, Junmyeon didn’t have to do this, and the others would let him pay. Honestly, he had never minded that, he liked treating the younger members into a meal. But Yixing’s kindness rivaled his own, Junmyeon had forgotten. He had missed this little well-mannered bickering which they could keep going on for minutes while the rest of the members said to let it go already. The result was always the same.

“Then, how about we just split?” Junmyeon brought up the solution.

By the look on his face, Yixing hesitated, but eventually said, “Okay, we can do that.”

With that decision taken, Junmyeon realized the position they were in. When eating with the other guys, they would have the check debate across the table. Now, though, Yixing’s hand was basically spooning his own, and their faces were an elbow to hand’s length away. Yixing was staring at him attentively as if losing himself in his eyes while his thick lower lip hung open. Junmyeon had almost never seen him this up-close. The shape of his eyes, lips, eyebrows, cheekbones, nose, a mole in that corner of his cheek, Junmyeon could appreciate it all. There was a new light to Yixing’s face. Where did that thump come from? A fire spread across his own cheeks. But the moment was cut off when Junmyeon began batting his left eyelid as if his life depended on it. The twitching brought Yixing back to from wherever he had been.

“Junmyeon...?”

“It’s,” Junmyeon said just when his contact lens fell out from his eye and landed on his cheek, relieving the sudden discomfort from earlier. “That.”

Yixing raised the hand cupping Junmyeon’s hand, and his fingers delicately lifted the lens. “Disposable?”

Junmyeon nodded. Inwardly he cursed at his cheeks for giving him away like this. But this was Yixing, one or two of their previous interactions had also made Junmyeon blush before. Then again, it might be because of the soju. Yes, that must be it! Soju made his face red most of the times. _Please, don’t take it the wrong way._ Yixing backed away to throw away the lens, which allowed Junmyeon to let out a breath and take out the other contact lens. This was Yixing, just Yixing.

They proceed to put back on their disguises before leaving the private room. Back at the dorm, some people had been eager to know where they had gone and what they had done. They briefly talked about it (omitting the fest of course), but also Yixing’s upcoming work and all that jazz had been brought up. Junmyeon didn’t fall asleep after saying goodnight to Yixing and the other members. His escapism from the thoughts in his heads was to edit the graphics for the fest. Thankfully, Sehun wasn’t a light sleeper and continued to sleep despite the clicks, keyboard sounds and other noise in the room. The distraction worked, and Junmyeon managed to make the first temporary graphics. Thinking of Yixing, he decided to use ‘Suho & Lay’ on the display picture, rather than sulay. It was around ten in the evening when Junmyeon was done changing the banners and display pictures of their accounts. They might as well announce it now. He grabbed his phone and went to his KakaoTalk chat with Yixing.

‘Xing, are you awake?’

Quickly after sending the message, Junmyeon regretted it. What if he had woken up Yixing? Sure, the man usually went to sleep at ungodly hours, but what if tonight he had decided to sleep earlier? To his relief, it popped up that Yixing was typing.

‘Yeah. Composing. What’s up?’

Junmyeon smiled fondly, although he sometimes worried Yixing wasn’t getting proper rest. But Yixing lived and breathed for music. When it came to what they loved doing, he and Yixing were the same too.

‘I finished setting up the graphics. Can you check it out?’ Junmyeon asked and added a grinning emoji.

‘I’m on it.’

Junmyeon decided to check out Chirp Chirp on the meantime. Yixing had posted, ‘this is a good night,’ which could be attributed to either their night out, or because he was in the zone while composing, or maybe both. Junmyeon didn’t dwell too much on it, but his eyes had caught the profile picture again. Damn. He had completely forgotten to tell Yixing about it tonight.

‘It looks great, Junmyeon!’ came Yixing’s reply along with a sticker of a bunny holding up its thumb. ‘Suho and Lay look better too.’

Silently, Junmyeon chuckled for himself. As expected. ‘I knew you’d like it,’ he sent and next to it a winking emoji. ‘Should I make it public now?’

‘Yes!’

Junmyeon logged into the fest’s Chirp Chirp account. After typing and erasing the post a couple times, he was pleased with what to say: **Hello! We are an upcoming Suho/Lay (Sulay) centered fic fest!**

He grinned while his index finger hit enter and the post appeared on the timeline. It had begun (well, almost).


	4. 万事起头难

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **This story fortnightly updates with two chapters. Read Junmyeon's chapter first if you haven't yet.**  
> 

  
  


“Fine, ten and zero-one tales. One thousand and one tales, then?”

If words could have smell, Junmyeon’s would have the smoky smell of meat and seasonings with a hint of sickly sweet alcohol.

Or maybe that was just Yixing trying to take in every bit of Junmyeon’s details, including the guy’s breath, as he pinched his thigh for the nth time tonight so his mind would not venture somewhere again. He had to stay in the moment—their moment and it shouldn’t be too much of a work.

Besides, it was the time to relax for the both of them.

It had been a while since they had last eaten out together. The other members or their managers would always manage to tag along in their prior agreements. And for Yixing to not be too (obviously) desperate or possessive, he agreed and sometimes would even invite other people to join their meal to somewhere. It worked to his advantage because Junmyeon liked being surrounded with people and it was easier to watch the older in a comfortable set-up.

Although, he secretly preferred what they were having tonight more than the usual in which it was just him and Junmyeon and a hot griddle of cooked meat between them.

He thanked his band of Go Fighting older brothers in China for telling him to be bolder when it came to what he wanted. And just like their advice, he told the other members he’d ‘like to bring Junmyeon out to have dinner... _Just_ Junmyeon… some important _work_ as the main agenda’ upon arriving at their dorm. It did raise some well-shaped and drawn eyebrows from the other members who were yet to clean their face from makeup but Baekhyun’s suggestion of ‘going all out at the dorm because mother will be away’ had the rest agreeing and ignoring any implication of Yixing bringing their leader outside. Still, Yixing caught Baekhyun’s teasing wiggle when the younger followed them towards the dorm exit. 

Most of what they had been talking about were still closely related to work upon making themselves comfortable in their reserved room. But when their orders came in and they had to cook the meat unless they wanted to skip it [they were both aware they wouldn’t], the conversation shifted seamlessly into more mundane affairs.

At some point, Junmyeon was babbling about Kyungsoo being delighted the last time Yixing came home bringing with him the younger’s favourite bottle of soy sauce as a present. Or the time Junmyeon caught Sehun snooping on his phone after realizing he was chatting ‘with someone’ non-stop until the youngest found out it was just Yixing—which should have offended Yixing (because just?) but it was a relief to them both that Sehun did not find out their secret.

It seemed though that Yixing’s silent wish to hear Junmyeon talk more about himself (aside from asking a lot of question about Yixing’s dreams from childhood to current fears) was not heard when the conversation had by then moved to Chanyeol’s pet dog and Junmyeon was still as excited as he had started. No offense, Toben, but Yixing had early on learned his priorities and it should be no longer a surprise when he opted to stack meat on lettuce and stuff the roll into Junmyeon’s mouth instead.

He wanted to hear Junmyeon talk—hell, he’d listen to Junmyeon talk all day—but not in a way that it seemed like even in conversations, Junmyeon would forget about himself and others would always come first. Sure, it was clear that ‘others first before self’ was one of Junmyeon’s priorities, Yixing was well aware of that, but it was just them at the moment. And he wanted for the moment to be mostly about Junmyeon… thus another lettuce wrap into the older’s mouth.

The feeding went on until they were finally discussing about the main agenda for the evening which was their secret project and its name. Yixing might have stuffed Junmyeon’s mouth with lettuce wraps for at least five times in the past quarter of an hour. The older continued to lead their conversation, while his cheeks were bulging with food, making Yixing’s chest thrum with inexplicable glee.

“Much better,” he said as he continued to watch the person across him chew the last serving of his handmade meat and lettuce wrap.

He was pleased with the name of their tales fest but more so because the crunching sound Junmyeon made while chewing reminded him of rabbits eating… not to mention that the grown-up across Yixing looked adorable while doing it… bringing his mind to the idea of convincing the managers that he’d like a pet rabbit as cute as Junmyeon on his birthday—he had actually voiced this out before but his managers and the rest of his staff only told him that with his schedule, he’d end up with ‘a dead pet rabbit as cute as Junmyeon’ and he wouldn’t like that so having an actual Junmyeon eating like a cute rabbit before him turned out to be a good, if not better, substitute.

By then he didn’t know the reason for his grin.

What soon called back his wandering mind, though, was Junmyeon’s clearing of their table, opening of his laptop, and his beckoning for Yixing to sit next to him. It was mostly the last action which did the job and he was just thankful nothing would be interrogating his brain or else he’d have to lie.

Yixing might also have been too eager with the invitation that his arm bumped into Junmyeon’s when he moved to his side, which almost had him smiling and squirming from embarrassment, but they were both grown-ups and grown-ups didn’t give malice to such a small, indeliberate action. His shoulders, as if having a mind of its own, chose to remain in contact with Junmyeon’s as if it was nothing while his brain tried to figure out why his heart was prancing in his chest.

His Miaow Miaow confusion aside, the setting up of accounts became a breeze after they obtained an email address. Yixing had to remember that the password they agreed to was ‘1HaventForgot10!’ because it was easier to commit to memory than his previous suggestion (which was ‘ScheherazadeIsSH00KT’ because, as Junmyeon had worded it, they’d ‘be locked out of the account way before they got the spelling of Scheherazade right’; Yixing still got brownie points for using ‘shookt’ correctly by the way).

Junmyeon then showed him the suggested fest schedule which, to his surprise (and utter delight) would start on his birthday.

Yixing’s heart was brimming with happiness and gratefulness and anything nice and sparkly and it kept on past task assignments [Junmyeon on the graphics, Yixing on the worded posts] until they were both reaching out for the bill and eventually, unsurprisingly, fighting over it.

“Yixing, let me take care of it,” Junmyeon told him, his pull on the receipt firmer.

“But I invited you here, Junmyeon, let me pay,” or something along the line of ‘Let me spoil you sometimes. You deserve it’.

“I couldn’t.” Junmyeon shook his head. “It should be me.”

“You paid the last time. You always pay, Junmyeon,” Yixing reminded the older. He remained clinging to the receipt with all the power his thumb and pointer finger could muster because if he were to let go, Junmyeon tumbling and rolling on the floor from pulling so hard would be inevitable.

“I don’t mind. It’s really my pleasure,” the older said, leaning forward and smiling his strained smile with the aggressiveness matching that of the happy rabbit gif they were laughing at the other day.

Yixing didn’t notice himself closing the distance but his eyes were enjoying the view that was the other’s adorable face. “Please, just allow me,” he said with all the sincerity he could emit (if it were possible for his body to do that like maybe through smell or radiation).

Junmyeon’s bushy eyebrows had its thinking twitch for a few seconds and the older was soon suggesting for them to go dutch. Yixing, with a heavy sigh, conceded. It was the most reasonable decision and the rest were just choices with varying degrees of Junmyeon’s ire if he were to fight for the bill. It was a disadvantage to be the younger one in the situation which he had to accept. Obviously.

His gaze fell back to where it once was after some attempt at eye rolling and that was on Junmyeon’s face. It was then that Yixing noticed the lack of space between them and it just might be the closest he had gotten to Junmyeon in months. Just a simple pull from him would have them embracing but he guessed skinship like it was just natural, wasn’t it? The hand holding thing but not the deliberate embracing part, yeah? 

With their proximity, Yixing’s view got upgraded from merely just an HD Smart TV experience to that of iMax 3D. He could never deny the hanging of his jaw as well when just seeing Junmyeon’s face this close turned out to be… to be… _thrilling_. Yeah, thrilling. And the way Junmyeon’s eyes fluttered slowly like a scene in the movie before the climatic kiss—the slow motion and the background music set in Debussy’s Arabesques where there were mostly panning and breath-taking gawking from both the characters and they slowly—carefully—close the gap and close their eyes.

“Junmyeon...?” he asked, not sure what his question was in the first place. He felt his mouth went dry and he just had to lick his lips.

Yixing’s heart was going Masques on him and though that would still be Debussy, it was a different kind of movement. It was erratic and mostly—and mostly— _threatening_. Drang drang drang—kind of key smashing.

“It’s—” Junmyeon’s breath hitched as the fluttering of his eyes turned aggressive, until a shining tear drop—a very solid one—fell from his eye. “That,” Junmyeon continued, cheeks reddening.

His brain must still be in the vat when, even though he had seen how the contact lens fell on Junmyeon’s cheek, he was still close to humming Debussy’s composition out loud. Drung druuung—

“D-Disposable?” he asked, and thanked his mouth to be on a higher BPM that instead of ‘druuung’ or ‘Debussy’ he was able to utter a sensible word. And Junmyeon seemed to not notice his stutter.

The older just nodded. And since picking up the fallen lens and throwing it away was just a normal type of skinship between grown-ups, Yixing just did that, evading the possibility that with the decent lighting in the room, Junmyeon would easily tell he was turning red from embarrassment.

Picking up his hoodie from his seat, he recounted the things they would have to accomplish tonight and the coming days for their tales fest as he waited for Junmyeon to finish dressing himself undercover (again) before they headed out of the room.

He prayed that the awkwardness wasn’t that noticeable.

♦

_This is a good night_.

Considering everything that had happened today from the flight back to Korea, the dinner with Junmyeon, and until he sat in his small studio to compose, it wasn’t difficult to admit the case when he opened Chirp Chirp and posted his feeling as a status.

He saw Baekhyun’s secret account liking it after a while as he tried to go back to work by minimizing the Chirp Chirp window. His brain had been reminding him about genuine smiles and steadfast heartbeats for a while and he guessed it could be used in one of the songs he was working on.

The plan to focus failed when his phone lit up to a KakaoTalk notification and guessing it was Junmyeon’s message, he immediately picked up the device to open it.

‘Jongdae told me something.’

It was just Baekhyun’s message followed by a Frodo sticker making a heart with his arms.

‘My composition is going well,’ he replied, recalling Jongdae’s brief visit in the room to check up on him.

‘That and something else,’ said the younger.

Yixing replied with a confused Tuzki sticker instead.

‘Your shirt looked familiar’ was Baekhyun’s immediate answer.

He could only smile and shake his head as his thumb hovered over the screen of his phone.

Of course it was. It was Junmyeon’s rainbow tank top which he was supposed to return but since Junmyeon seemed to have forgotten about it, Yixing assumed it was already his. It was comfortable and went well with his favorite black cotton track pants—the perfect combination of comfy he needed when he was composing.

‘It’s comfy,’ he wrote to the younger in their conversation.

‘Junmyeon wouldn’t tell us why he gave that to you.’

‘If he doesn’t then I won’t tell as well,’ Yixing answered.

‘Are you two…???’

‘Not saying.’

“I knew it!’ Baekhyun sent with a Frodo with heart eyes sticker.

Yixing replied with a Tuzki going to bed sticker just so he could go back to work.

‘GOOD night!’ the younger sent, sending Yixing to shake his head again in amusement.

It made him wonder how Junmyeon dealt with the mayhem which his wearing of the rainbow tank top in public caused. He read a number of posts on Weibo about it, a couple of amused fans from his side but Junmyeon was more than delighted when the news broke out in the Chirp Chirp sphere that the older even video called him just to gush about the ‘historic event’ (as how some Chirp Chirp users worded Yixing’s airport fashion). As to the member’s reaction about it, Baekhyun’s was the closest to a feedback he could get. 

**I’m in a paradise…** |

He stared at what he had typed on the note as he thought up of another line which would match the mood he had in mind. Another message came in making his phone light up next to his keyboard.

Yixing contemplated whether he’d allow himself another minute to answer whoever had messaged him at this hour. It had been a few minutes past ten and the only people who knew him and were crazy enough to message him were the geges from Go Fighting or Baekhyun… and Junmyeon.

He hoped it was Junmyeon. And it was.

‘Xing, are you awake?’ said the message which had Yixing smiling.

‘Yeah. Composing. What’s up?’ he typed rather eagerly, another line short from inviting the older in the studio… which wasn’t a totally bad idea… until he realized what he was wearing, who was it from, what he and Baekhyun was talking about and it came back to the fact that Yixing seemed to not get enough of Junmyeon recently that it was getting alarming.

The revelation was a bit shocking that he had to return his phone back on the table immediately and go back to staring at his work on his laptop.

Another notification went off and he was sure it was the older’s reply. He had to count until ten, take a deep breath and pick up his phone.

‘I finished setting up the graphics. Can you check it out?’ asked Junmyeon in their conversation.

Another ten-second counting in his head and some delayed typing.

‘I’m on it,’ he answered while closing his phone and choosing the roundabout way of checking their Chirp Chirp profile out through his computer. Self-consciousness was surely working its wonders in Yixing’s system.

And goodness how his eyes were assaulted by the amount of colour in Junmyeon’s graphics. They were good, okay, lots of colours like the space was bursting with various shades of gold and purple and repeating images in the background balanced with simple typography.

Yixing was sure Junmyeon took time to work on it and he should suggest lesser colours next time in fear of the resulting eye strain the older would get from constant exposure to such standard of aesthetics. 

‘It looks great, Junmyeon!’ Yixing messaged after going back to the app and paired it with an approving Tuzki sticker. His partner should know he hugely appreciated the effort. ‘Suho and Lay look better too,’ he ventured upon noticing the newly changed display picture which matched their new header.

‘I knew you’d like it,’ returned Junmyeon with a winking emoji. Yixing liked it because Junmyeon made it, to be frank.

‘Should I make it public now?’ soon asked the older when Yixing missed a beat to send anything as a reply.

Yixing could only, silently, admonish himself for not being himself at this point. He brought his hand to cover half of his face in an attempt to facepalm as his other hand typed a response.

‘Yes!’it said as he sent another prayer to the higher powers that his being unusual around the older was not obvious.

He hit the refresh button of their Chirp Chirp page after a while and a new post was made:  
**Hello! We are an upcoming Suho/Lay (Sulay) centered fic fest!**

‘Hi! I’m worried for some unknown reason this has been going on for weeks but I guess this is just natural and everything will turn out fine because I’m working with _The_ Kim Junmyeon but I don’t know?’ was what he was tempted to send as a status but that would only be unnecessary drama and he was just overreacting at the moment.

His unfinished song for tonight was waiting on his computer screen and that just might be the reason for Yixing’s jitters. He so hoped it was.

♦

The whole September became a countdown for Yixing and his commitments. First, there was his second album; second, his and Junmyeon’s tales fest; third, shooting for Go Fighting and another side project and last, his other promotions which required him to attend various events in both China and overseas.

The messages from Junmyeon were mostly scattered and brief, and no matter how much Yixing wanted to sit down and engage in a decent conversation, he just couldn’t seem to find the time to. He didn’t want to make being busy as an excuse for the lack of communication, but it was the fact and he was thankful that Junmyeon was understanding enough to even make sense of Yixing’s sticker language in their message thread.

Yixing was scheduled to fly back to Korea by Friday and so far the most active chat group he had was the one with the other members—he had a recent fanmeet for a certain peanut brand promotion that he somehow had too much peanuts to give. He offered to bring some to Seoul and most of the members said they’d want it paired with booze. There was also the kilos of detergent quietly tucked in the corner of his studio as a present when one of another brand’s representative gave him a visit to finalize the schedule for a fanmeet. Jongdae who was mostly just laughing in their group chat suddenly had found the motivation to send a worded message telling Yixing he’d want free detergent. Minseok also sent him a personal message he’d be glad to accept Yixing’s detergent present, too.

It was nice being needed aside from work and the brief updates from the other members was enough of a recharge for the day but Yixing could only keep online conversations going through brief answers and lots of rabbit stickers.

He had been considering sending Junmyeon a message, but he thought it unwise to initiate a conversation and he’d end up not maintaining it just because his mind was occupied (with the upcoming album release). Or he’d ditch work in favor of wanting to hold the conversation, which would either be a disservice to the other whichever choice he’d make.

His dilemma was soon answered when his phone lit up with a message from Junmyeon. It was a picture of the older with the Sydney Opera House in the background. ‘With Baekhyun and Sehun. Sending power.’ was the caption. Yixing thought Junmyeon could get away with using ‘love’ instead of ‘power’ but somehow the older’s attempt at dry comedy was still entertaining to a degree.

Yixing answered with an amazed Tuzki sticker and a ‘looks great’.

‘How’s it going with you?’

The question automatically received a dramatically falling to the floor Tuzki from Yixing and a simple ‘well, I guess’.

He was typing another message to say he couldn’t stay talking long but he wished for Junmyeon and the rest to have a great time when the older asked if it’d be okay to call Yixing at the time.

It was sudden that his answer was the same and not well-thought—an automatic Tuzki sticker where the rabbit was rubbing heads with a wall while fighting it.

After realizing the reaction didn’t make sense, he sent a simple ‘ok’ in the thread. His phone soon buzzed with a video call request.

“Yixing?” Junmyeon’s voice said as the video for the call loaded.

“Hey,” he replied as the older finally showed up in the video, bare faced and wearing a black t-shirt. At least Junmyeon looked well-rested. “What’s up?”

Yixing turned on his video and kind of regretted doing so when he looked ghoulish with his hair looking like it had not seen the mirror for a day. This was what cooping in his studio could do. The only comforting thing about himself right then was the white t-shirt he was wearing and he was tempted to joke about yin yang but his brain couldn’t even find it funny.

“I was preparing for some shut eye but thought I can disturb your work for a bit,” answered Junmyeon and soon ventured, “which seemed like what you need.”

Yixing chuckled, remembering one of the songs slated for release in the album. Yes, Junmyeon was quite right. But it was more like Yixing being needy and his effort to avoid it.

“How are you?” asked the older and it didn’t sound like an easy question.

He did not want to rant although he had no choice but to be honest at this point.

“My album release is still a few days away,” he said but withheld saying he was nervous all over like there was a waterfall dedicated to nervous feelings and he was sitting at the foot like a meditating monk. His mind was all over the place due to nerves and it seemed to be the case that those, same, nerves were holding him up together.

“I know I need to rest but I can barely sleep,” Yixing admitted after a brief silence. 

“Will singing you a lullabye work?” the other immediately inquired, sending Yixing to break out into a smile.

They both knew it would work. It had been tested before, when it was Sehun who couldn’t fall asleep during one of the tours and Junmyeon applied his little bit of knowledge in child rearing that the older was humming and patting the youngest’s side gently in no time. Yixing who was just visiting their room also fell asleep at the foot of their bed and he remained there, snoozing, for hours until Jongdae got worried and started looking for him to get him.

“Not now. I still have to finish some things and submit them before midnight,” Yixing answered, turning to look at the desk clock which told him he was left with less than half an hour.

Junmyeon nodded. “I know it will go well. You’ve worked so hard for it and most people recognize hard work when they see one. I am sure your fans will be delighted,” he told Yixing.

“You sound like my ma.”

“I haven’t even started speaking in Chinese yet,” the other retorted and Yixing couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yixing-ah, give me a signed copy, okay?” Junmyeon’s voice was soft and Yixing would give him a copy even if he didn’t ask for it. “Then I’ll sell it over Chirp Chirp,” added the older with a playful grin.

“Not fair.”

“I’ll get you something from Australia in exchange,” Junmyeon suggested. “What do you want?”

Hmmm… a barter didn’t sound so bad. And Yixing was always open to equal opportunities. Although it took him a moment to think of something from the land infamous for being the melting pot of deadly and highly dangerous animals. Not that he was suggesting for the other to smuggle creatures. 

“A platypus!” They were cute, especially the babies. And he wanted one more than a kangaroo, which could kick him to death, or a koala, which could still be trying to recover from chlamydia. “No, no, no, wait! Wolverine!” he bargained after a while.

Junmyeon’s face was serious in the video. “Wolverines live in the northern hemisphere, Xing. I can’t possibly get you one from here,” he said.

“Wolverine’s from Australia! I remember reading it—Wait—” Yixing minimised the call screen and went to his browser. He searched for a link and sent it to Junmyeon. “See?”

Junmyeon’s brows furrowed further as he told Yixing he was opening the link until he almost disappeared from the video and Yixing hear him giggling.

“Yixing, this is Hugh Jackman.”

“Yeah! Him! He’s cool, yeah?” he answered while Junmyeon further dissolved into a fit of giggles at this point. Yixing wished he could see it, too, because the shaking ceiling of the older’s hotel room was not amusing to watch.

“Do you want me to bring Hugh Jackman as a present?” Junmyeon asked, his red face was mostly visible to the video now.

“No! I meant—action figures!” He wasn’t hoping for a real baby platypus, too. He’d like for any transactions to be legal, thank you very much. And Junmyeon was too good (and looked too good, too) to be a smuggler.

“Of Hugh Jackman as Wolverine?”

“Yeah!”

Junmyeon had this muted containment of his laughter face as he pursed his lips and nodded to Yixing. “Wait,” he said to their call as he disappeared from the screen, a sound of the door opening, some voices Yixing could identify as Baekhyun, lots of ceiling viewing, and Junmyeon was back in the video and in their conversation.

“Look! Baekhyun bought these earlier. Who’s this?” the older asked, showing a figure of a popular superhero wielding a huge hammer.

“That’s Chris! Although I can’t clearly remember his last name… Helm—sword?” Yixing supplied as Junmyeon disappeared from the screen again from laughing so hard. 

“What?” Yixing kind of whined because he could no longer understand why the other kept on laughing. Maybe he got the name wrong? He was notorious for providing unforgettable names to things which would get the members entertained for days anyway.

“Talking to the girlfriend again, hyung?” A quiet voice asked after a sound of a closing door was heard in the background. It was Sehun, and the younger squeezed himself next to Junmyeon when the latter decided to return to the video.

“Hello Xing-hyung,” the youngest greeted. “Jongin got worried in the next room when we heard this one laughing by himself. Turns out it’s a girlfriend call.”

“I am not a girl,” Yixing argued, aware of the term the others used to tease Junmyeon when he’d stay too long talking on the phone.

“Just a friend, then?” Sehun returned, his smile knowing and surely teasing. 

Yixing would like to challenge that but before he could retort, Junmyeon beat him into patting the action figure on Sehun’s cheek and telling the younger to ask Yixing who it is.

Sehun took the toy from Junmyeon’s hand and looked at it. He then looked at Junmyeon in a measuring way, as if trying to figure out the joke.

“It is Chris, right?” Yixing asked and at the same time answered the question Sehun did not ask.

“Yeah, it’s Chris Hemsworth,” the youngest answered with a straight face while Junmyeon must have smacked his laughing face on the mattress again. Sehun just watched from the side and turned to Yixing to ask, “What is wrong with him?”

Yixing could only shrug. He knew he was weird most of the time but Junmyeon could be weirder. That was how the world worked and the other members were well-aware of that.

“Yixing calls Hugh Jackman Wolverine and calls Thor Chris Hemsworth,” Junmyeon explained to the younger, wheezing. “I thought he wanted a real live wolverine until he sent me Hugh Jackman’s profile.”

“I’ll make sure this old man gets you your wolverine, hyung,” Sehun said while Junmyeon still needed help with his laughing fit on the side. It came to a point that all three of them were laughing because he and Sehun found a laughing Junmyeon amusing.

“He’ll die laughing if you keep this up,” Sehun said. Junmyeon was catching his breath as he tried to snatch his phone away from the younger.

“I like knowing I can make him happy,” he answered, but was faced with a grinning Junmyeon in the screen, instead. Thank goodness the studio lighting was dim or else Junmyeon would easily notice the sudden reddening of his cheeks.

“You do. Do I make you happy, too?” Junmyeon asked while Yixing was left to nodding his answer as his mouth clamped shut from saying something, possibly, embarrassing.

His chest was lighter just hearing Junmyeon’s voice and laughter from the unexpected call. Yixing was yet to think about why it was suddenly that way—just the other’s presence was a great help. Maybe he could think about it after his album release and the start of their tales fest. Hopefully he’d have enough time by then. And he’d not forget.

Their call ended because it was already past two in Australia and Sehun reasoned his grandparents should already be asleep. Junmyeon then sent him a good night message and wished him the best.

His thumb automatically tapped and sent a Tuzki sending a flying heart sticker and a ‘thank you’.

Junmyeon would have to wait for Yixing’s longer version of appreciation but Yixing was determined to make it worth it.

♦

“The first step is the hardest.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A gentle reminder to not plagiarize any part of our story.
> 
> The happy rabbit will haunt anybody who does not listen to this warning for all of their waking and sleeping hours. _Forever_
> 
>   
>    
> 


	5. Timing

 

  


 

 

September had been one of the busiest months, as usual, every day had been filled with schedules here and there because of their new album release. Music show performances, both at home and abroad, fan signs, even attendance at a new award show and traveling to Australia. The month had been hectic, but Junmyeon was already accustomed to that routine during promotions or touring weeks. And everything was all worth it when he saw the face of the fans smiling or crying while they saw them perform or signing their albums, also when he and the rest of the members stood on stage receiving the acknowledgment of all their efforts, thanks to the fans, of course. Besides, in a couple hours, he would have the chance to recharge his batteries during Chuseok along with some great company in one of his most favorite places. This month’s hive of activity would be long forgotten once October began and Junmyeon was back at the City of Angels.

When it came to his and Yixing’s secret project, the tales fest (Yixing’s wording had stuck to him), he had been the one in charge of it. There hadn’t been much to do, though. Mod Gold, his handle, had been keeping their children excited by initiating a countdown to the day prompting opened, and Yixing’s birthday. He had also had fun interacting with some fans from time to time on the fest’s Chirp Chirp account. Their enthusiasm for the day prompting opened had Junmyeon content, but also curious as to what kind of things they would request. But whenever someone wondered if mod Purple (Yixing’s chosen handle) had left, he reassured Purple was busy with real life obligations. It was true, Yixing had also had an equally rough month, if not more than his. Their communication had been limited. But Junmyeon understood it, Yixing was working on his music, and there was no greater joy for him than doing that. How could Junmyeon ever complain at Yixing for doing what he loved?

Although he did have to admit, he had missed the younger. It was uncanny how much because there had been periods in the past in which he hadn’t seen Yixing for months. Maybe it had to do with how close they had gotten during August and how quickly Yixing seemed to have vanished once September had started. Not entirely disappeared, because Yixing kept the group chat posted (most of the times). But Junmyeon missed when it was only _them_ , talking, laughing, sharing that little secret only they knew that somehow made them closer. One night in Australia he had dared to say he wanted to call Yixing, mostly to see for himself that the guy was in fact breathing. Okay, that was an exaggeration, but he did want to confirm Yixing was doing fine, and hopefully healthy. And boy, what an amusing conversation it had been. That fit of laughter had been the most he had laughed the whole month. Junmyeon wouldn’t even have realized it if Sehun hadn’t pointed it out after hanging up the video call.

Once the group had returned from their Australia trip, Yixing had managed to make a short visit a few days later. However, he only got to see him two times given that Yixing was busy filming and recording, and Junmyeon had more commitments left. At least he had managed to gift Yixing the Wolverine slash Hugh Jackman action figure. After looking through store after store Junmyeon was glad he had gone through that effort, so he could give him a limited-edition model, although Sehun hadn’t been fond of the long epic. But Yixing had been joyful and even gave Junmyeon a quick hug while everyone was there, a hug that left him slightly dizzy. The action figure had also earned a spot on the same shelf as Yixing’s Dragon Ball Z collection (where it was only reserved for those special figures).

Still, their timing was never quite right. And that proved to be the case yet again when Junmyeon would be leaving for L.A. in a couple of hours, and Yixing had just landed in Incheon. Timing, what a downer. But they would manage to see each other for a brief hour or so, and Junmyeon would gladly take that chance. They needed to discuss some fest details, of course.

Now that Sehun had decided it was time to leave the nest, Junmyeon was left alone in their old room, so Yixing and he could have full privacy. Oddly, without Sehun living in the room anymore, it looked as if a tornado had settled there instead. _Funny_ , he’ll make sure to tell Yixing that. And Junmyeon’s last-minute packing hadn’t helped prove the tornado settlement wrong. To make it more hospitable for Yixing, he decided to do some fast cleaning, which often involved tossing everything inside the nearest drawer or underneath the bed. Then, he went down to wait for the other.

Junmyeon had been in the living room, talking to Jongdae and one of their managers, when Yixing walked inside. The quickness of how Junmyeon lips formed a smile at seeing him standing there could compete against the Flash. _Strange._ Despite the apparent lack of proper sleep and exhaustion that came from living in airplanes, Yixing managed to greet everyone with a dimpled smile. Did Junmyeon’s heart just thump at that? These days he was sure acting a bit differently. There was a quick conversation of what people would be up to these days, some members would be abroad, others visiting their families, a few working non-stop. At last, he and Yixing excused themselves saying they had a matter to deal with. Luckily, Jongdae wasn’t as concerned with their affairs and said nothing because had Sehun or Baekhyun been there… Those two had too much fun teasing him with Yixing, not that Junmyeon was bothered by it, but he didn’t want them to notice how quickly that could sometimes make him blush. He didn’t even understand why he blushed.

Yixing took a seat on the floor, leaning against Junmyeon’s bed, and let out a deep sigh. When Junmyeon asked why he didn’t sit on the bed, Yixing explained that sitting there could lead to him being too comfortable and falling asleep, something that wasn’t prudent now that they needed to discuss their secret project. The second ‘child’ was just around the corner, and he wouldn’t rest until everything had been taken cared of. Yixing had actually come here to finalize his stages for the showcase and have some final discussions for the physical release. Junmyeon was happy for him, Yixing was fulfilling one of his lifelong dreams. But there was still a part of Junmyeon that couldn’t help worrying, feeling concerned because here was him leaving for vacation and Yixing working until exhaustion. With that in mind, Junmyeon decided to make the fest’s matters brief and give Yixing time to rest. Most of it were technicalities. Junmyeon didn’t know if he would have an internet connection available at all hours, or due to the time difference be awake. Yixing might have to take care of posting on Chirp Chirp and making the prompting post public in the blog, stuff like that.

“Everything is duly noted,” Yixing said when Junmyeon had finished explaining everything.

“I’ll try answering your messages as soon as possible whenever I have Wi-fi.”

“There’s no need,” the other answered while shaking his head, “Go have fun with your friends. Enjoy L.A., take pictures, eat a lot.”

Junmyeon nodded, although he would still do his best to reach Yixing and be connected. There was a more important reason than the tales fest opening prompting. “I’ll still try. Hey, I don’t wanna miss you giving birth for the second time either, Xing.”

Joyful laughter resonated in the room, which made Junmyeon laugh too and feel somewhat elated inside. A happy Yixing was a happy him.

“Do you have to go now?”

A quick glance at his phone and Junmyeon said, “I got some time left. Why?”

Yixing reached forward to grab his backpack and take out his laptop along with some earphones. He handed Junmyeon one of the earbuds.

“What are you doing?” Junmyeon asked but put on the earbud anyway. He got aware of how close they were sitting now, but if Yixing didn’t mind, why should he?

“Just listen,” Yixing said while he stared at his computer, clicking a few times until certain music program came into view. Yixing hit click one last time, and a familiar upbeat melody began playing. _I need you, baby, I really want you._ A few days ago, Yixing had released that single. Unlike the previous times in which Yixing had composed at the dorm and shared his music pieces with him (or the other members), Junmyeon hadn’t been able to hear any of the tracks. So, he had been in awe while hearing this song and seeing Yixing walking and dancing through Paris. Again, he had thought of how the timing was their worst enemy because Junmyeon had recognized one of the places on the music video. Maybe one day. All in all, the song had been great, and he had made sure to message Yixing his thoughts as soon as he got the chance. Yixing hadn’t read it immediately, but as the hours had passed Junmyeon got self-conscious and wondered if that ‘review’ had been too much, but he knew Yixing appreciated constructive criticism and chances to grow. Then again, Junmyeon wasn’t an expert, so… But all that hesitation was unnecessary. Yixing’s following messages of a bunny with a thumbs up, a breakdancing bunny, a bunny crying tears of joy or a bunny sending hearts or hugs, proved he was glad about Junmyeon’s response, and Junmyeon could go to sleep. This time while they sat down and listened together to I Need U Yixing explained certain parts of the composition and how this or that was suitable along with other details about the lyrics. Junmyeon learned a lot through it, but what he liked the most was hearing his voice and seeing Yixing’s face lit up with enthusiasm and love whenever he talked about music.

They spent the upcoming hour listening to the rest of Yixing’s unreleased album. Yixing thought that if Junmyeon did end up missing the release hour, then he shouldn’t feel so bad because he would have been the first person ever who got to hear it (besides everyone else who had been involved into making the album, of course). But the exclusiveness had made Junmyeon feel more special than what it probably meant. Yixing was just being kind to him… Right? Either way, he had enjoyed the listening session while having an insightful conversation about music composition, producing and whatnot. And while Yixing had said he loved Mask, Junmyeon found that his favorite was Hand. The resemblance to Monodrama was probably a reason and the fact that it reminded him of how Yixing had been nervous and excited about releasing his first solo track ever for SM Station. And now look how far Yixing had come.

Once the discussion was over, Yixing had said he'll close his eyes for a while but ended up falling asleep and leaning his head against Junmyeon’s shoulder. He must have been so tired that Junmyeon didn’t have the heart to wake him up and tell him to go to sleep in his bedroom. Instead, Junmyeon continued listening to the album on repeat, enjoying the sound of Yixing’s voice, and tilting his head against Yixing’s own, even if it made his heartbeats a tad erratic and teeny tiny butterflies flutter in his belly. If anyone walked in and saw them, they would probably get the wrong idea, but Junmyeon found himself not wanting to leave that spot. It was comforting, and Yixing was adorable while snoring.

But of course, timing. Soon it was time for him to leave for the airport. He lifted the laptop from Yixing’s lap and put it back inside the backpack. Lightly, Junmyeon tapped on Yixing’s shoulder until the other jolted and woke up.

“You must go?” Yixing asked, still drowsy from his nap.

Junmyeon nodded while rising to his feet. Yixing yawned and stretched his arms. Seeing that the other was still exhausted, he told Yixing that he could crash on his bed if he wanted. Junmyeon wouldn’t be using it tonight anyway. Yixing thought about it momentarily before standing up and getting himself comfy underneath the covers, laying on his side.

“Thank you for letting me listen to your album, Yixing-ah.”

Yixing smiled with his eyes closed, an expression that made Junmyeon’s heart skip another beat. _Too cute._

“Have a nice trip, Junmyeon-ah.”

Junmyeon smiled seeing how Yixing went back to dreamland. He silently closed the door and whispered a meek goodbye.

 

* * *

 

When Junmyeon woke up this morning, he jumped up and reached for his phone. Blinking repeatedly until his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw it was around ten in the morning. He sighed. After last night’s outing, of course, he wouldn’t have woken up on time. There went his idea to beat Chanyeol and be the first one to congratulate Yixing on his birthday, not even the South Korea and China time difference could change that now. While it was the morning of the sixth of October over here, in China, it was currently past one A.M of the seventh.

Junmyeon still sent Yixing a message wondering if he was awake and if he could call him. His album had just been released digitally so Yixing wouldn’t be able to sleep, Junmyeon guessed, but he still had to ask. In the meantime, he took the chance to use the internet. This morning would be one of the few times he would use his social media because he had been trying to disconnect himself from the world and enjoy his vacation. Although he did keep his KakaoTalk notifications on, just in case Yixing messaged, but Yixing hadn’t done so. First thing first, he watched Yixing’s new MV, liked and commented on his support. Then, he went into Chirp Chirp. Nothing much had happened; his personal timeline was filled with congratulations post for Yixing because of his birthday and his album release. He went into Yixing’ profile where the display picture no longer had the emoji covering his face, Yixing hadn’t wanted to change it. Blushing he noticed that Yixing hadn’t posted much these days, the last thing was a week ago and it were a bunch of emojis of him being happy and excited Junmyeon deciphered. When he looked at the tales fest’s account, Yixing had managed to inform their Chirp Chirp followers about prompting successfully. People were also excitedly ‘shouting’ for everyone to prompt or just thrilled it had begun at last.

A notification popped up, Yixing had answered his previous message with ‘yes, of course’ and no longer than a few seconds later Yixing was video calling him instead. Junmyeon quickly cleared his throat and brushed his hair with his fingers. Why hadn’t he washed his face? At least the hotel room’s blinds were closed, and there wasn’t much light. The moment he picked up and Yixing’s face came into view, he began singing happy birthday to him in Chinese. It wasn’t the most magnificent rendition, it was average, he heard it himself, but Yixing didn’t seem to mind his occasional slips. Instead, the other was grinning while mouthing the song along with him.

“ _Shēnɡ rì kuài lè, Xīng_.”

His attempt at communicating in the same language had Yixing gleeful, or perhaps it was because Yixing seemed to be celebrating given the party hat and the music, Sheep’s music, playing in the background.

“ _Xièxiè, Miǎnmiǎn!_ ”

Thank heavens for bad lightning or Yixing would have seen how much Junmyeon wanted to bury himself underneath the covers and hide there. The younger was making him feel slightly nervous, which continued making Junmyeon wonder when, why and how. Was that even okay? But he kept talking to him as if nothing were happening. Yixing was eagerly telling him about the digital album release and how he had been monitoring the reactions, most of it was positive, and some achievements had been made. This was one of the few occasions in which Junmyeon said ‘I told you so’ to someone. He had been right that Yixing’s fans would indeed value his hard work, and the rewards were just the fruits of all those sleepless nights, all to which Yixing nodded proudly. Yixing also explained that the little secretaries had organized a surprise birthday and album release party, only a small one because they knew Yixing would impatiently be waiting for midnight. His mom had also flown to Beijing and was there now, even though she had been scheduled to arrive the day of the showcase. Yixing had been spending a great birthday so far. Friends of his were still sending him congratulations messages, for everything.

“But you know what’s missing, Junmyeon?” Yixing asked while tilting his head to the side and smiling ruefully, which entirely didn’t go with the atmosphere.

“What?” Junmyeon said. By what he had heard, Junmyeon thought Yixing would be more than thrilled of what was going on.

“You...”

More heartbeats came far too fast like a quick staccato playing inside his chest. “I-”

“You guys, of course!” Yixing hurried to clarify what Junmyeon’s mind hadn’t wanted to be elucidated apparently. “I wish the members would have been here too. We would have had fun, drinking and eating delicious food.”

Junmyeon laughed to hide his embarrassment. All his acting studies paid off outside the set too. “But you would have been the first one to pass out.” Everyone knew of Zhang Yixing’s drinking capacities, even the fans.

“And Minseok would have been the last man standing, wouldn’t he?”

“Definitely.”

And so, they were silent, only watching themselves on the screen, but neither of them cutting off the video call.

“Eh, did you just wake up?” Yixing asked.

Junmyeon nodded. “Yeah, it’s ten right now. That explains the terrible bed hair.”

“Terrible bed hair looks good on you… But how’s it going? Are you having fun?”

And now it was Junmyeon’s turn to ramble. He told Yixing about his recent adventures with Heechan and the others, their visits to Universal Studios, Beverly Hills, and the fantastic view from the Griffith Observatory. It was magnificent, and if Yixing ever came to L.A., he had to go there. Today, he was looking forward to visiting one of the places La La Land had filmed at, The Lighthouse Café. Many more exciting things waited before he had to return.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, Junmyeon-ah. You deserve it.”

Junmyeon would have wanted to reply Yixing could use a break too, but that wouldn’t be possible yet. “Have fun today too, Yixing.”

And then there was more silence filled with the sound of Mask resonating from Yixing’s end.

“I saw the MV,” Junmyeon said to prolong the inevitable.

“Really? What did you think?” Yixing replied, and Junmyeon could notice the eagerness in his voice.

“That you’re really the lead sheep in China.”

Yixing laughed while shaking his head.

Junmyeon had already expressed his thought on the song when they had listened to the album together, but he did share a few thoughts about the music video. He might have even said that his favorite look was the one of Yixing wearing the bandana. This wasn’t anything weird, right? Junmyeon asked himself. He still remembered Yixing saying he liked Junmyeon’s superman inspired hair and glasses on one of the Power stages, so… It was just complimenting a friend back. Yixing didn’t say much other than thank you. Before another non-awkward silence settled between them, he got a message from Heechan telling him they would leave for brunch soon.

“I gotta go now,” he said and sat up.

“Yeah,” Yixing nodded, “I guess me too.”

“You’re the birthday boy, you can’t be missing your own party. I’m sorry I took so much time from you.”

“It’s fine. I like talking to you,” Yixing reassured and smiled one last time, “Bye and keep having fun!”

“Me too… And I will! You have fun too. Take care.”

And when the video call ended, Junmyeon saw it had lasted for forty minutes… He hadn't even spoken with his mother for that long. Then again, he and Yixing were almost never in the same places. Timing. Junmyeon let out a sigh before getting up from the bed.

 

* * *

 

When a third of October had gone by, Junmyeon was back at the dorm. Although a little part of him missed the idyllic City of Angels, he was mostly glad to be back. More commitments waited for him, and he was especially looking forward to filming his new movie, rehearsing for the musical premiere in December, and of course, practicing for the upcoming tour. It would be tough, but now that he was well-rested, he was ready to face it all. Yet all of that would begin tomorrow, and today Junmyeon had the evening free to recover from the long flight.

He was laying on his bed, having woken up from his earlier nap. With Yixing still being busy and preparing for his showcase, Junmyeon took the chance to organize the Google sheet in which all the prompts would be stored, the prompt archive. At first, he had thought it’ll be weird to read what people would say of them. Sure, some of them were a little too much, but overall, he was amused with how funny, or creative prompts could be. ‘Junmyeon and Yixing hate each other. When they’re paired up for a project, everything drastically changes.’ He had laughed at that, he couldn’t picture himself hating Yixing, entirely… The contrary. A vast majority had romance on the focus, and oddly Junmyeon didn’t feel against that idea, the idea of them, which again, was a weird realization.

His phone suddenly pinged. Yixing had messaged him.

‘Hey Junmyeon  
Jongdae told me you’re back.  
I have a surprise for you. Search in your room!’

A surprise for him? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? But with Yixing, one could never know. Junmyeon put aside his laptop and wondered what and where it could be. His room looked the same disordered way as he had left it. This was the perfect opportunity to clean the room and unpack while treasure hunting, also calming down Minseok’s fear of mould growing in the dorm because of him (come on, that would be impossible). He sent Yixing a winking emoji as a response to which Yixing replied with a bunny doing a wavy dance.

The surprise wasn’t underneath the bed, but some pairs of dirty socks were there. Neither was it under his pillow. Searching in his clothes drawers was futile too, but while Junmyeon folded his clothes, he realized that the Ko Ko Bop tank top was still missing. Again, he didn’t mind that Yixing had kept it. It’ll give him a reason to ‘borrow’ something of his later. Smiling, he continued tidying his clothes.

Eventually, after much searching, he found Yixing’s surprise. He felt stupid that he hadn’t noticed there was a new addition on the shelf that stored the music albums he had bought, tucked in between the Ex’Act copies. ‘Sheep Lay’ he read on the spine. When he took the album out, there was a post-it note attached on top.

‘I managed to get some of the first copies for Ma, nǎinai, and you,’ had Yixing written.

The album had a case that protected it and had the picture of a sheep on the front. Removing the case, Junmyeon could finally see the main cover. It was an eye-catching cover with Yixing morphing from a sheep to a handsome prince. This was so Yixing, Junmyeon thought while smiling to himself. And as expected of a 300-pages photobook, it weighted quite much. When he opened it, he saw that the first page was signed by Yixing and there were some words written.

‘To Junmyeon-ah,  
We’ll keep playing the game until the end!’

Next to that message, Yixing had drawn a sheep and a bunny, probably a representation of both.

Yixing was full of surprises. Junmyeon was planning on buying his album later in SMtown at COEX Artium. But here he had one of the original first copies only Yixing’s mother and grandmother had gotten, a copy that wouldn’t even be sold here in South Korea. He wondered if for Yixing the thought had meant as much as it meant for him. Did this mean he had become one of Yixing’s treasured persons? Or was it because of their barter and this was Yixing making sure he got his part? His heart adamantly leaned towards to believing the former, something his mind wasn’t trusting in. Either way, he felt all warm and fuzzy inside while holding the Sheep album, a feeling that continued to associate with Yixing. Junmyeon grabbed his phone and took a picture of him with the album next to his face while he gawked.

‘I found it! Thank you, Xing,’ he wrote and attached the picture before sending it on KakaoTalk.

Yixing replied almost immediately with a bunny crying and then another one in a victory pose, only to finish with the bunny holding a ‘bye’ sign. Of course, Yixing had work left to do and couldn’t lose time chatting. Junmyeon sent him a thumbs-up emoji and a hand waving goodbye.

Rather than resuming his earlier task, sorting the prompts, Junmyeon began scrolling through the album. While seeing Yixing in a royal outfit, it reminded him of a prompt with Prince Suho and Prince Lay he had read earlier. That made him chuckle… If only. It would be interesting to see what kind of stories fans would come up with, he could already envision some stories in his head.


	6. 光阴似箭

  


Not to be rude by ditching his own party, but when the call with Junmyeon ended, Yixing stayed for just around ten minutes more with his staff and soon excused himself to head to his mom’s hotel room.

His smile grew wider when upon asking whether she was still awake, she sent a fast reply of ‘I’ve been waiting with your cake, silly.’ It was a good call for having booked his mother in the same hotel.

‘Family celebration’ was his reason when his little secretaries asked for him to stay longer, along with a reminder that they’d have to be up in a few hours so they should not drink too much before heading out.

The loud booming of the bass from his own music softened at the closing of the door to his room and more so as he walked and turned towards the hall to his mother’s room.

“Did you drink?” his mother asked first thing when he joined her on the couch, a small white cake with strawberry slices was indeed waiting for him on the coffee table.

He just shook his head and handed his mother the paper bag he brought with him.

“Surprise,” Yixing said as he watched the older woman open it, pull out one of the two thick bound 'books’ and laugh at his face and a sheep’s on its cover.

“My second grandson is quite big,” she told Yixing which had him chuckling.

“Yeah, it took a lot of time to deliver it,” he quipped, earning him a ruffle on the head.

“And it took awhile for you to escape your own party.”

He nodded. More small parties to come within the month, he mused, remembering his Honglei-ge's suggestion of a birthday party Go Fighting style in their group chat. Then there was the case with his brothers in Korea.

His mother soon noticed his staring at the cake and she just laughed, reaching out to light the candles and hold it towards him. Another version of the birthday song was sung to him, and he could only smile at its difference from the version he heard just a while back. He knew both were genuine and both came from the few very important people in his life.

A small slice of cake should be enough, but one soon turned to two and it left his mother wondering out loud. Yixing just shrugged and admitted he spent more time on a video call than eating in the previous celebration. The worry on the older woman's face only grew when he told her it was Junmyeon.

“They really don't let you rest, do they?” she said, her tone less accusatory.

Yixing knew why his mother's reaction was like that. There had been a time it was mostly Junmyeon who contacted him for group activities instead of the managers. And his mother was aware that a call from Junmyeon was a gentle reminder from the company that Yixing would have to fly soon to Seoul. But it wasn't so much the case anymore.

He shook his head. “The members are still on vacation. It was to greet me a happy birthday. I was the one who called him,” were his clipped answers between his chewing.

“Did you?”

“Yep.” His attention was on the remaining half of his slice. Maybe he'd have another on the promise that they'd have to keep it a secret from his dietitian.

“You rarely call people if it is not work.”

“Because it wasn't work. The call with Junmyeon.” He soon turned to his mom and saw the knowing smile on her face. “What does that even mean?” he asked, curious at the expression. 

“Since when?”

 _His and Junmyeon’s constant communication?_ “Around July,” he answered.

“It's been months and you didn't tell me or your năinai about it?”

“I don't think I have to tell the family about it...?”

“Oh, son.” His mother sighed. “We've been telling you we’ll try to understand if it comes to that, you know? Just don’t keep anything from us. Bring Junmyeon to Changsha soon so he meets the family. Your năinai will be happy if you do.”

It was suddenly difficult for Yixing's mouth to chew when his brain did the same for his mother's words. He had always known multitasking was not his forte.

And soon came his recollection of Junmyeon being totally awkward around elders. The guy’s politeness would sky-rocket and his movements would match the stiffness of his well-pressed clothes. Plus his face would work so hard to remain serious but instead he'd look poopy. 

Yixing smiled to himself when he thought of Junmyeon with his parents and grandparents.

“He'd never like that,” he muttered.

Another sigh came from his mom. “Can you tell him that we at least understand and there's no need to keep your relationship from me and your năinai?”

_Relationship?_

“Is that what——Ma, it's not like that!” His chuckling surfaced at the misunderstanding and he watched his mother watch him confused as he held his stomach. “Were you thinking Junmyeon and I are secretly dating?”

“You aren't?”

“No,” he answered. Dispatch would have a field day if it were true, and as far as Yixing was concerned, April was rather far from any -ber months that the company would have trouble making any excuse for it. “If there is any relationship between us, we're good brothers,” he had to clarify.

Yeah, Yixing had to internally repeat it because hearing it aloud seemed... off. It must be because of the cake’s sweetness and the guilt for eating too many slices.

The guilt had stealthily pervaded his subconscious, thus the bit of restlessness with him. _Right_. 

"Really?"

"Yes, really." He nodded.

His mother looked at him in silence, the one she would do when she wanted Yixing to tell her something.

And although Yixing wanted to admit that his and Junmyeon's conversations were because of their small project for their fans, he could not because it was a top secret.

"If anything happens, you can tell me or năinai, okay?"

Whatever anything his mother meant by that. His brain refused to follow the understanding of what the elder said down the path in which she meant whether there was progress between him and Junmyeon’s relationship.

What could be better than what he and Junmyeon were having? Generally speaking, what could be better than friendship? The other side of his brain aggressively whispered ‘being a lover maybe?’ _Ridiculous_.

“Sure,” Yixing said as he put his then empty plate on the table and continued, "Ma, you haven't touched your own slice." His reminder made his mother reach out for the slice of the cake she had prepared.

As he watched his mom eat, his gaze fell on the copy of his album on her lap and he reminded himself that he was yet to write something for the one he had set aside for Junmyeon. Maybe he could do that later, once he came back to his room.

He set a reminder on his phone, checked the tale fest's Chirp Chirp account for any likes and comments on their recent post for a bit, and saw a random picture update of a laptop playing the Sheep MV from Junmyeon's account. He smiled as he liked the post via his own, mildly aware of his mother's curious gaze on him.

Yixing had already thought of a surprise for Junmyeon, and he tucked it into the things he’d have to do in the coming days of promotion.

“You’ve just turned 26 but you will always be a cute kid to me,” his mother told him and Yixing could only smile back, earning him a pinch on his cheek.

♦

“How time flies!”


	7. Realization

 

 

 

 

  


 

 

_One. Two. Three._ Junmyeon counted the steps in his head while he watched himself on the mirrors and the way his body moved to the rhythm of the music. His movements weren’t quite near perfection yet, and he wanted them to be executed without any flaws. It was dawn when he had woken up this Saturday and practice wouldn’t start until a few more hours, even so, Junmyeon had come to the studio to dance by himself. He will have one solo stage during the concert, and he wanted to give his best to the fans. There were also the dance pieces in the musical that he needed to practice, and although Junmyeon attended those rehearsals, whenever he had the time he would practice them too.

After having danced to Playboy for so many times, he had lost count, he changed the music for a classical piece. He did look kind of silly waltzing on his own, but Junmyeon wanted to get the pace correctly. He could have asked Jongin or Sehun to help him, they wouldn’t have refused, but he didn’t want to bother them when they were barely resting as of now. It was only the end of October, and the concert wouldn’t begin until next month, but practicing for the concert was always the same. Every member wanted to give all of them on the stage and deliver the best experience to the fans, so they worked hard day in, day out to achieve it. Junmyeon didn’t want to disrupt the youngers’ sleep when this matter was his own responsibility and not of the whole group’s. Besides, he could manage to practice by himself.

With such a busy schedule, the time had been limited when it came to handling the fest. Fortunately, Junmyeon and Yixing now took turns for who will update the prompt archive. In two days, when prompting would close, they wouldn’t be behind, and the archive could be revealed on time. The sulay drought must have immense because his, their, children had sent in over 300 of those prompts. Hopefully, some of the kids would write for them too because Junmyeon’s initial plan of joining, for fun, in case no one did would no longer work. Next month his schedule would keep him far too busy, and December was the release of their gift for the fans, plus awards show season, so that would add up on his agenda.

When Junmyeon was midway his dance choreography, someone came suddenly into view in the mirrors. Yixing, wearing dark shades and an oversized, very oversized, denim jacket had walked in. The appearance had Junmyeon chuckling. He stopped dancing to swing around and went to turn off the music. Yixing looked so, as the Chirp Chirp folks would say, ‘smol’ in that huge jacket. It was adorable.

Yixing removed his sunglasses. “Hey,” he greeted him with a smile while staring at him from head to toe. “Sehun was right when he said I would find you here.”

Yixing’s second album showcase may have taken place recently, but the guy was already preparing his own winter gift for the fans. Indeed, he never stopped, just like all of them. So, for around one week, Yixing had been staying with them to compose, record and all that jazz that involved releasing an album. Junmyeon had been thrilled to have Yixing nearby. Of course, because matters of the tales fest could be solved in person, especially during silent late-night talks but that more than one time had shifted from the main topic to different conversations (neither of them had minded that change, though). Yet, as usual, Yixing’s stays were short, or were six days considered long? Either way, he would be leaving for China today. Yixing had probably come here to say goodbye. Junmyeon always disliked this part because it was uncertain when they’ll see each other again.

“Hi, Xing,” Junmyeon said. His panting had regulated by now. “Yeah, I woke up early and couldn’t go back to sleep. So, I figured, why not come here already?”

“I can see that.” Yixing took off his backpack and the large jacket. “How’s it going? What are you dancing?”

Briefly, Junmyeon explained about his early morning. He was making progress with the Playboy choreography and was getting more and more confident with the act. It was the musical that mostly kept him up at night with some worries about his dancing and singing abilities, or actually his whole performance. He admitted feeling nervous about missing a beat while dancing and singing, or not being a good enough actor. Yixing looked at him with comprehension but reassured him that feeling self-doubt was normal in any daunting new situation. But Junmyeon shouldn’t let his fears get to him for a longer time than necessary. If he continued practicing and working hard, eventually, his doubts would decrease significantly until he became more confident on that musical stage. It’d be hard the first times, of course, but he’ll get better. He had to continue believing in himself. Junmyeon appreciated the advice.

Then, Yixing raised his hands. “Here, I have some time before the flight. Why don’t you practice your waltz with me?”

“Oh, o-okay.” Junmyeon gulped. That was very kind of him. He knew Yixing was a phenomenal dancer and would adapt to most types of dances rather quickly. This was Junmyeon’s chance to practice with someone outside of musical rehearsals. How could he say no? But for some reason, he couldn’t help feeling a bit nervous. Was it because they would be so close, and he was reeking of sweat? Still, Junmyeon grabbed Yixing’s hand and put his other hand behind Yixing’s upper back. If Yixing noticed that slight tremor when they had held hands, he didn’t comment on it, and probably thought Junmyeon felt nervous about dancing. It was about dancing, but Junmyeon knew it was mostly because it would be with Yixing.

“Follow my lead,” Junmyeon managed to say despite how fast the rhythm in his chest had gotten. Was it a good thing they were almost the same height, and they had the same eye level? Where did one look at while dancing with someone? Because Junmyeon couldn’t look away from Yixing’s lovely face and admire all his features. Luckily, his nervousness didn’t affect his waltzing that much, and he could guide Yixing while teaching him parts of the choreography. Junmyeon even managed to make Yixing spin without letting go of his hand. That move had gone terribly wrong the first time he had tried it with his co-star. Yixing chuckled at hearing that anecdote but also wondered whether she had been alright, which she had, there had also been no hard feelings between the two after that happening. He and Yixing spent the following time waltzing together until Junmyeon had shown Yixing most of the movements included in the choreography. Yixing, as expected, had grasped onto a few of them rather quickly. Junmyeon also felt that he got better by practicing with Yixing. No feet had been trampled so far.

“So, what other doubts do you have? Because I think that if you continue dancing like this, you’ll be able to master this dance in no time.”

Junmyeon smiled, but he did have a lot of worries. Mostly self-doubt that he’ll need to overcome himself. There was, however, one thing that had started recently. Could he tell it to Yixing? It just sounded rather silly. But Yixing was here helping him out… Maybe he could give him some advice? No, scratch that. Yixing wasn’t particularly fond of what Junmyeon would say.

“It’s nothing.”

Yixing squinted his eyes and held Junmyeon’s hand a little tighter. Junmyeon knew what he would say.

“Yes, there is something. Just spill the beans, Kim Junmyeon.”

He had been right. That voice and look only meant Yixing wouldn’t go until Junmyeon had spoken.

“Fine. Yesterday, they told me I should try to add more feeling to my… kissing scenes.”

Yixing’s eyes widened. In a matter of seconds, Junmyeon didn’t know whose foot it was that came in between, but they ended up tripping and falling on the wooden floor. Junmyeon landed with his back against the floor while Yixing fell on top of him. Their hands had let go of each other, but Junmyeon surrounded his arms around Yixing’s upper back as if he had tried to catch him. Their proximity was so much closer than that night at the barbecue restaurant, their bodies had never shared this much contact. They locked their gazes on each other’s eyes. The tip of Yixing’s nose was touching his, each of Yixing’s exhalations hit Junmyeon’s lips. As more second passed, they remained in that position, not moving or looking away. Until, again, Junmyeon didn’t know who initiated the first move, whether it was him who had started leaning upwards or if it was Yixing who leaned down gradually, but the next thing he knew their lips had found each other. Instinctively, he closed his eyes. He felt like melting during the touch that was kissing Yixing, Yixing and that plump lower lip of his that had a slight taste of milk tea. The teeny-tiny butterflies grew and flew mad loose in him. His heart was singing its own melody for a while.

Eventually, his mind caught upon what was happening. They were kissing!

They must have been so in synch from all that kissing that they realized it at the same time. Yixing almost jumped to get himself free from Junmyeon’s grasp and rose to stand on his feet. Still feeling rather heady by the kiss, Junmyeon also stood up. He knew his sneaky cheeks had already given him away and were flushing red. Yixing’s also felt the same apparently. And for a somewhat awkward silent moment, they simply looked at each other while fidgeting with the hem of their t-shirt, or in Junmyeon’s case, his fingers. Yixing stared at him with his jaw dropped, at least not in horror, mostly perplexed, Junmyeon figured. He, on the other hand, was making one of his thinking faces, maybe the least appropriate one because he was squinting his eyes and furrowing his eyebrows. Junmyeon’s mind was torn between a bunch of ideas of what had just occurred. Some of those ideas couldn’t be the reason why this had happened. They couldn’t be, could they? No, they weren’t, he was getting ahead of himself and would put them in an even more awkward position if he were to say something like that. Besides, given the topic of their previous conversation, it was obvious why the kissing had occurred in the first place. _This will lessen the awkwardness_.

Junmyeon reached forward to grab Yixing’s hand and shake it while with his other hand, he rubbed Yixing’s shoulder. “Yixing-ah,” he said and gave him his signature wide teeth smile. “I can’t believe you did that, I know you’re not comfortable with that kind of scenes on dramas. But you still went out of your way to help me. Wow, thank you so much for helping me practice.”

Yixing blinked a few times but then reacted by nodding and shaking Junmyeon’s hand back. “Yeah, I know, but of course, I would help _you_ out. And I personally think you did-did well on the feeling part, it was… Good.”

“Really? Thanks. Your words are making me feel more confident. This was very helpful, thank you. You’re really such a good…” Don’t say it, that unreasonable part of his brain shouted, but Junmyeon said it anyway. “Best friend.” He held in the urge to flinch.

There was a quick eyebrow raise on Yixing’s part, but it didn’t last for long until Yixing’s dimples appeared. “It’s nothing, Junmyeon-ah! Anything for my… Bro…Os.”

Why hadn’t anything of what they had said sounded right? And why the hell were they still shaking hands?

Yeah, this hadn’t made the moment any less awkward.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

November arrived, the weather got colder, the days got darker, practice, rehearsals, filming and recording continued, awards season kicked off, claiming opened. And all of a sudden time had passed by in a blur and the three days of the Elyxion would begin in one week, the musical in a few more.

Junmyeon had been slightly stressed, or very stressed. Part of it due to all of his schedules during the day, and the lack of sleep at times. But mostly because of how this subtle yet noticeable distance between him and Yixing had grown to the point where he was stuck in Mercury and Yixing was all the way in Neptune. Okay, that was a hyperbole, but the fact that he and Yixing had been drifting apart remained to be true. Junmyeon still remembered how after that… Kissing-incident and the way too long handshake, they had avoided looking at each other, almost as if they had been afraid of seeing their faces. They had been saved by the bell, the bell of Yixing’s phone ringing because their manager had texted him it was time to go. And so, they said goodbye to each other. Ever since that day, Yixing hadn’t returned to Seoul. Which was to be expected, after all, Junmyeon had seen on Chirp Chirp that Yixing also had many schedules in China and didn’t have much to do around here anyway.

But unlike the previous times both had been busy and apart, their communication had now been limited to one topic, their only common denominator apparently, the tales fest. They didn’t video called each other anymore, only shared vague and impersonal messages about the tales fest in KakaoTalk. Even those texts had stopped too because they had nothing left to discuss, claiming was going smoothly. It wasn’t until today that Junmyeon had sent Yixing the following message: ‘Don’t forget to send the first check-in reminder emails.’ A few hours later came Yixing’s reply: ‘I already did,‘ with no dancing bunny sticker or the bunny doing some other reaction. Yixing did send friendlier messages to the group chat, but those ones were for everyone to see. Junmyeon disliked that it had become like _this_ as if they were back to being strangers, work-mates and nothing else, not even best friends. The distance was hurting him.

He couldn’t blame Yixing, though. Junmyeon hadn’t tried hard to initiate a more intimate conversation either, other than ‘how’s the weather over there’ that sort of stuff. And he knew why. Although they may have wanted to shrug it off and pretend nothing had happened, there was an elephant in the room. Would it help to talk about the kissing-incident? Junmyeon didn’t know. Besides, what exactly would he say when he wasn’t sure what any of it had meant?

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. This ‘should I, shouldn’t I’ debate was stressing him out. Missing Yixing was stressing him out. He had to fix things somehow so everything would return to normal, and he’ll have Yixing back.

Junmyeon was amid thinking what to do when Sehun had knocked and opened the door to his room.

“Junmyeon-hyung, are you awake?”

He was, but he continued laying on the bed, curled up and hugging his pillow, not turning around to look at Sehun but stared at his phone that was next to him. “Yes.”

Sehun walked in, and went to sit on the bed, Junmyeon felt the mattress sinking down.

“Okay. Tell me what’s going on with you,” Sehun said with that tone of his that meant he was in a serious mode, not the playful little brother.

“Nothing. I’m fine, Sehunnie,” Junmyeon replied. But even he heard how false that had come out, the other noticed too of course because Sehun’s arms suddenly grabbed him and forced him to turn the other side.

“What are you doing?” Junmyeon asked.

“You’re obviously not fine if you’re hugging your pillow and staring at your phone nonstop. And look around! Your room is clean.”

Junmyeon frowned. “What’s wrong with my room being clean?”

“You only clean when something’s bothering you, and you wanna distract yourself thinking about how boring cleaning is. Or when we nag at you, but we haven’t had the time to do so. Thus, something must be bothering you.”

After all the years they had known each other and shared a room, it was no wonder Sehun would have figured it out.

“Besides, it’s a rare night off, and you didn’t even want to hang out with us.”

“I’m tired.”

“We all are, but we’re still downstairs playing cards and drinking. What’s the matter?”

Junmyeon trusted Sehun with his life. Despite how much they joked around or teased one another, anything he told him, the younger wouldn’t go around spreading to everyone if he asked him not to. And Sehun wouldn’t care about it, he’ll probably understand it. Junmyeon hoped he’ll understand it. Yixing wouldn’t get mad if he told Sehun about the kissing-incident, would he? Then again, why would Yixing mind when it had only been a practice moment?

“Is it about, Yixing-hyung?”

Something, no, not something, his cheeks gave the answer for him because hearing Yixing’s name made him think about their kiss, which made blush, and Sehun realized he had hit the nail on the head. There was no use denying it now.

“Last time Yixing was here… We-we kind of kissed.”

Unlike the loud gasp and shocking face Junmyeon was expecting, Sehun’s reaction was to nod and smile. “Well, that took you two long enough. But I knew I’d win over Baekhyun.”

“What?”

“I might have bet that you two would kiss eventually. But he said that wouldn’t happen because you two are well-mannered chickens that wouldn’t act upon it, due to consideration of what the other might feel.”

“We’re not chickens.”

“No. If anything he has morphed himself into a sheep, and you’ve claimed the bunny prince title.”

That made Junmyeon chuckle, and suddenly he didn’t feel so afraid to talk about it anymore. “Why aren’t you more shocked? Or I don’t know, weirded out?”

“Why should I feel anything else than happy for you? Besides, I think we’ve all noticed that you two have come to like each other. Come on, nobody texts constantly and talk on the phone for hours, unless they’re into each other.”

Liking each other? Was that what this could be? The fast beating hearts? The butterflies? The happiness of being with Yixing? Hearing his voice? Seeing him smile? How miserable he felt whenever Yixing left? And how sad it had been that they no longer talked like they used to?

“Do you think I like him?” Junmyeon asked cluelessly.

Sehun rolled his eyes. “Do you think you like him?”

Liking Yixing… Liking to stare into his eyes, yes, or the way Yixing would laugh at something funny he said, yes, or how… Nice, it had felt when they had danced together and then shared a kiss, yes. Junmyeon liked all of that. There was also the fact that Yixing made him happy. And compared to the happiness that his friends, his family, or their fans brought to him, it wasn’t the same. This was the sort of happiness in which you wouldn’t mind listening and talking to that person for hours, letting them fall asleep on your shoulder and finding it the most soothing, endearing thing, or kissing them again and again while you tenderly cupped their cheeks and could feel their dimples sinking in because you both were smiling through it. That was the kind of happiness only a particular person would cause. How hadn’t he realized this before? Of course, he liked him, he liked all of him, and there was nothing wrong with feeling that, Junmyeon had always believed love was love. He could see himself… Loving him, and the idea made him happy, elated and almost giggling because of the thoughts about him and Yixing that appeared. If only it were that simple, liking someone and them liking you back, but Junmyeon knew that wasn’t true for them.

He grabbed the pillow and shouted against it, a not so loud scream because he didn’t want anyone to hear and come up wondering what was going on. When Junmyeon was done venting, he still held onto the pillow while staring at the ceiling. “I like Yixing.”

“Yeah, you do,” Sehun said, letting out a laugh at the end.

“No, Sehun, that’s bad!”

“Who cares what people-”

“No, not that, it’s bad because Yixing doesn’t like me back.” Well, it was terrible because of so many more important reasons and setbacks such as their work and the significant risk that involved being in a relationship, especially one of their kind. But Junmyeon didn’t venture into thinking that far yet, he was mostly concerned about how he had fallen for his bandmate and was now trapped in unrequited love. Perhaps, for now, Yixing wasn’t here, and there wouldn’t be many problems. But what about when Yixing returned to deal with some matter at the company? Or when Yixing could promote with them again? How would Junmyeon behave around him then? This crush would complicate their whole relationship. It had already done so since the kissing-incident. Yeah, Junmyeon was screwed.

“What are you saying? Of course, he does. Why else would he kiss you?” Sehun tried to comfort him.

Junmyeon’s gaze found Sehun’s confused eyes. “He did it because he was helping me practice.” And then, he explained what had happened that morning before Yixing had left. Once Junmyeon had finished, Sehun was caressing his chin while thinking.

“Are you sure he wasn’t simply going along with what you said? You basically best-friendzoned him. Maybe he was afraid that saying something else would make you uncomfortable.”

That was true, it could be interpreted that way, him friendzoning Yixing first. But when had Yixing given him clear hints that he reciprocated those feelings? Accepting to host the tales fest that would culminate in tales about them being in a romantic relationship, Yixing wanted to do something for their fans and help him. Saying things like ‘I like knowing I can make him happy’ didn’t count either. Yixing liked to make his fans happy too, that didn’t mean he harbored romantic feelings for any of them. Giving him one of the first copies of his album, that was just Yixing fulfilling their barter. Basically, there was a reasonable motive behind their interactions. Yixing hadn’t given him any clear signs.

“I don’t know, but I don’t believe he was. I think he was genuinely only trying to be nice and help me improve. You know how Yixing is. He takes practice seriously.”

By the look on his face, Sehun didn’t quite believe that. “I think you two should just talk, figure this out. And maybe you should tell him what you feel.”

“Sehun, that’s a terrible idea. It’s clear that to Yixing I’m just one of his ‘bros.’” That last word made him flinch.

“Then, what do you think you should do?”

Well, there was only one reasonable answer to that question. “Pretend nothing has changed, live with it until I can bury it deep down within me and eventually forget about it?”

“Sure, that sounds like the perfect plan.”

Now Junmyeon rolled his eyes at Sehun’s sarcasm. Couldn’t he see how complicated and risky this whole situation was? Junmyeon was doing the wise thing.

“Junmyeon, just talk to Yixing,” Sehun said. He stood up from the bed. “At least that way you’ll know for sure whether he feels the same or not, and you can move on with your life if he doesn’t. But my guess is, he does.”

When Sehun left and closed the door, Junmyeon went back to staring at his phone. He grabbed it and decided to scroll through all their previous conversations, thinking about their calls from the past months, and how their relationship seemed to have changed. Perhaps Sehun did have a point, and he should talk to Yixing.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

“And remember, don’t drink too much,” Junmyeon said as he left the living room and walked towards his room.

The three days of the Elyxion were officially over. Of course, the tour was only just beginning, and next month they’ll have more stops around Japan. But to celebrate that the concerts at home had gone phenomenally, all the members and some managers had had a little after party at the dorm tonight. They were all happy and pleased that after weeks of hard work and practicing, everything had turned out great.

Now, it was the late night, and Junmyeon had gotten tired and felt like going upstairs. He was the first member to call it a night. Usually, he and Minseok would stay until the end, or at least he’ll try to keep Minseok company, but right now Junmyeon wasn’t feeling like it.

He hadn’t followed Sehun’s advice yet. Mainly because he didn’t know how to approach Yixing and the topic felt like a face to face conversation, not over KakaoTalk messages. Last week, Junmyeon did send Yixing a text telling him to have a nice week, hoping to recover their previous communication, but Yixing hadn’t replied. Then, four days ago Yixing had attended this awards show and won an award. Junmyeon could see that Yixing had been honored and happy to receive such recognition. So, he had sent him a congratulations message. Again, Yixing hadn’t seen it and didn’t answer. Junmyeon thought that Yixing must be super busy and didn’t have much time to chat or check his phone as frequently. Although it was weird because in the past, even if Yixing couldn’t form any sentences, he would often send him a sticker of that bunny he loved to use. Still, Junmyeon tried to stay calm. Yixing hadn’t posted anything in the group chat either when the others had congratulated him.

And so tonight happened, and it completely ruined his mood. Baekhyun had taken a selfie with Kyungsoo and said he’ll send it to Yixing, so the latter could see they had wrapped up the concerts just fine. When Junmyeon saw Baekhyun typing on his phone, he said that Yixing might not answer due to how busy he was. Baekhyun didn’t care and sent it anyway, through his and Yixing’s personal chat because Junmyeon didn’t get any notifications on their group chat. Ten minutes later, Baekhyun happily came to tell him Yixing’s response, ‘Congratulations. Have fun with everyone.’ That only caused a bitter feeling within Junmyeon, but he smiled outwardly to Baekhyun. He didn’t want to overthink. Yixing probably had more free time now but found it awkward to reply to messages days later. So, Junmyeon took out his phone and sent him a new text, ‘Hi Yixing. How are you? Can we talk?’ This would be their chance to catch up, and Junmyeon would get to see how he felt around Yixing with his newfound feelings, although it would be through the phone.

However, as the night had passed, Junmyeon got no response to his message. He wanted to believe Yixing might have gone to sleep but a quick glance at Chirp Chirp showing that Yixing had liked some post, proved that wasn’t the case. Yixing had replied to Baekhyun almost immediately. Yixing was still awake. Yixing was freaking ignoring him. So, Junmyeon continued drinking, mostly to forget about that fact. Too bad it hadn’t worked, and the bitter feeling only grew worse and worse. Before Sehun noticed his bad mood, Junmyeon decided to go.

And here was Junmyeon now, in his bedroom, looking through the open window. The alcohol had made him feel warmer than usual, and he was enjoying the cold breeze outside. In his hand, he held his phone, staring at his and Yixing’s KakaoTalk chat and how Yixing still hadn’t opened his message. The alcohol was clouding his judgment, or maybe it was making him braver than when he was sober, but Junmyeon decided to call Yixing anyway. Not a video call, but directly call him on his phone. If Yixing was sleeping, Junmyeon didn’t care.

There were a bunch of beeps before Yixing finally picked up.

“Heeeey, Yixing,” Junmyeon said.

“Hey, ’Myeon,” said the voice he hadn’t heard in almost a month. How funny that hearing his nickname had made Junmyeon grin. “Did something happen?”

“Nop. It’s all good.”

Yixing didn’t say anything, but Junmyeon could hear his breath on the other end, which reassured him Yixing didn’t hang up yet. While waiting for a response, Junmyeon had accidentally burped, loudly, and whoever was around and awake must have heard the nasty sound. But he couldn’t even feel embarrassed, he only laughed at his lack of manners.

“Are you drunk?” came a question from Yixing at last.

“Whaaat? No.”

“Junmyeon,” Yixing said with a stern voice.

“Okay, but only a little. The right amount to remember this tomorrow and make me brave enough to finally ask you…”

“Ask me what?”

Here it was. Junmyeon couldn’t help giggling at how silly this whole thing was, but he said anyway. “Why have you been ignoring me, man? I thought we were best bros foreva. Why are you ignoring your bro? Huh?”

Although he had continued laughing, Yixing didn’t find it amusing and only let out a sigh. Eventually, Junmyeon’s mirth died, and he went silent, staring out the windows at the neighboring houses. He was getting colder now but still didn’t feel like closing the window.

“Sorry. I’ve been quite busy.”

“Yeah, so busy that you could reply to Baekhyun’s text but ignore all the ones I’ve sent you. Gotcha.”

“I…” Yixing trailed off, “Earlier…” he continued stammering without saying anything at all.

“Liar. It’s because of the incident, right?” Junmyeon had to ask.

“What--?” Yixing tried to sound confused.

“Oh, you know, the one in which we kissed for a few seconds, or was it minutes? I can’t tell.”

Again, Yixing went mute, and Junmyeon couldn’t stand the silence. He just wanted to hear the truth. He deserved to know the truth and put an end to his doubts and misery.

“Did you really do it because you wanted to help me out? Or… Was there perhaps another reason?”

He could hear Yixing swallowing, breathing, still not talking. The music and laughter downstairs reached to him faintly. Their neighbor’s dog barked, which fueled other dogs in the distance to do the same. The wind could be heard whooshing and rustling his hair. A car honked somewhere. _Say something, damn it_. Impatient with only hearing more useless noise, Junmyeon spoke again.

“Okay, then just admit it.”

“Admit what?”

“That you’ve been ignoring me because of that kissing-incident. Just admit it made things weird for you.”

He may have said those words out loud, but Junmyeon wished Yixing wouldn’t reply anything. That would only confirm that his feelings were one-sided and there was no hope. But if he didn’t hear it, then it would only grow worse and worse. He should face it bravely, rip the bandage off, quick and fast because like Sehun had said, once he knew, he’ll be able to deal with it.

“Yixing, just say something for god’s sake. Or are you ignoring me over the phone too?”

“Fine,” Yixing groaned, “I’m sorry, but yes, it made things a little weird for me. Come on, you have to admit it was weird. What happened there was weird.”

And so, the bandage was gone, but not because this wound was healed, on the contrary, one had just opened, in the depths of his chest.

“It became a bit uncomfortable after that. I just don’t know how to approach you anymore,” Yixing let out a sigh before continuing. “Not when-”

Before Junmyeon broke down and embarrassed himself over the phone, he decided to wrap up the call. “No, that’s fine. I get it. It’s totally fine. I understand.” He hated how he was starting to struggle to breathe. “You won’t have to worry about that anymore. I won’t contact you privately for a while and neither should you. And since it’ll be too weird for you to continue helping with the tales fest, you’re free to go. I’ll do it on my own.”

“Junmyeon, I-”

“Goodbye, Yixing. Sorry I bothered you.”

“Jun-”

Junmyeon hung up the phone before hearing what else Yixing had wanted to say. He had heard enough. Yixing didn’t like him back, and that was fine, that was okay, that was acceptable. Just because Junmyeon had caught feelings, it didn’t mean Yixing should have done the same. He wasn’t entitled to hear Yixing say ‘Oh, I feel it too.’ Yixing had the right to feel weirded out and uncomfortable, everything Yixing felt was valid. Just like it was valid for Junmyeon to feel as if his heart has been trampled into little pieces.

At least now, Junmyeon knew.


	8. 覆水难收

 

  


_Best friends_.

Yixing blankly stared at his reflection as his assigned hair stylist fussed around him. He felt letting out a scoff as memories from days ago replayed in his idle mind, but he wouldn’t want it to be misinterpreted by another person as something else. Not again.

His talk with his mother a month prior made him step back and think about his feelings concerning Junmyeon. And along came the realization that he might be crushing on the older quite hard.

He should have seen the simple revelation coming. How else would he explain the random want to pick up his phone and just push call just so he could talk to Junmyeon? Of course he was known for his control so he had tamed the want down to sending random stickers to the other when he felt like it.

But not anymore. Not after he took a closer step towards Junmyeon, some unforeseen mistake for them to be closest to each other right after and the proximity pushed him to lean in and kiss the older like it was some eventual happy ending.

The shock brought by letting himself go along the mood jolted him away from the contact. But what woke Yixing up like an early bucket of ice cold water was Junmyeon’s words that followed. Something along the lines of ‘best friends’ and ‘practice’.

If Yixing wasn’t as confused during the time, he would have just told Junmyeon it wasn’t like what he thought. It was something else. He couldn’t say it yet, but he had an idea what it was.

But of course, it took him a while to say anything, afraid whatever he might say would be wrong and Junmyeon’s expectant and almost pleading look only put more pressure to give out an answer.

So he agreed. And tried to assure the older that Yixing did it to help out. As brothers.

That’s right. If Junmyeon wanted it to be that way. Yixing should respect that.

Acceptance, on the other hand, was on a different plane. Ten was his favorite number, and ten days following the dance practice room incident was, if he could still trust his brain to count and remember right, Pepero day in Korea.

Luckily for him, he was born Chinese and was in China when it happened. In fact, it was Singles’ Day in China! He was not obliged to post something cheesy like what the other members had done before on this day in Korea [and to be fair, China had many other holidays like it so he was not technically spared]. He could still celebrate being single! Though that would seem like a bitter move from a bitter him. And he should stop.

“You should still upload something,” one of his little secretaries almost shook his soul out as Yixing sat to wait for the shooting set-up to be done. He was only prepared for work. He thought he wasn’t prepared for anything else—a picture update for his online accounts included.

“I can’t think up of something fitting for today’s post,” he reasoned. What should he say? ‘ _Celebrating everybody who’s alone. Enjoy this day. More space to love others!_ ’ Those even fell flat to his ears.

“Just let me take some pictures, okay? We’ll make it good,” assured the little secretary and Yixing relented.

He could only chuckle at the post once it was up online. It was tagged as a ‘daily observation diary’ and was highlighting the fact that he was a lone dog. Yixing agreed for it was true and if he were asked, it did show well in the shots.

 

♦

‘Don’t forget to send the first check-in remin...’ was the preview message from Junmyeon one night which Yixing saw the moment it came in albeit his status being on DND.

His thumb hovered over the older’s name while his brain tried to talk his heart out from opening the message. He had been struggling to find anything to say aside from talking about the tales fest with Junmyeon. Their recent conversations were mostly about it and Yixing could only move along until one of them had to leave the chat to do something else as an excuse to get away.

Yixing had to thank his busy schedule for the distraction from what he and Junmyeon were having. It also helped to give him more time for introspection—remove himself from the situation and find a better approach so he could finally tell Junmyeon what was bothering him. For now, he’d have to get things done so he'd have less things to mind once he flew back to Seoul and the chance to talk to the older would present itself.

‘I already did’ he sent as an answer during his break after finally opening Junmyeon’s message and accomplishing the assigned task. He thought of sending a Tuzki sticker but he guessed it wasn’t needed when he saw that his message was already read and after a while, when there seemed to be no message from Junmyeon, Yixing just closed the app, closed his phone, and told his secretary that he’d like to take a nap.

Several short messages from Junmyeon were received in the following weeks. Mostly checking on him and the weather. Which was sad if Yixing were to put it simply because such conversation starters were usually designated for acquaintances one would chance upon on the street, for example, or one you barely talked to for years. It was not the type of conversation friends should be having. Clipped and forced.

Just thinking about what to say which wouldn’t be as half-assed was difficult for Yixing. At this point, his favourite white rabbit sticker set would probably not help. His gut feeling told him sending some as replies would no longer be about the ‘busy but still playful him’ but more on being interpreted as ‘talk to the hand’ kind of maneuvering.

With all due consideration, he decided to just go with what he thought best—keep his mouth shut, and for this matter which mostly involved online messages, keep away from his and Junmyeon’s chat, until he was in the right mind and mood to talk; not to mention right time and place.

What seemed to be his best option, though, blew up near the end of November. His Go Fighting brothers knew about the three-day concert and what it meant for Yixing. Not joining this year’s leg of promotions with the group was a huge decision to make between him and the company and though he should have long accepted the decision, he couldn’t help but feel bad for himself and for his fans.

Sure, SHEEP was doing well, great even, on sales, and he could only be thankful for everybody’s support. But for someone who spent most of his time on stage with the other members, seeing the fan cams from the concert online made his chest heavy. He was not envious, per se, he just wished he could be there.

His geges knew he couldn’t be, so he was invited to spend the night on his Honglei-ge’s place just to take his mind off things. His other older brothers promised to drop by with food, each having personal commitments on the day. Yixing mostly talked about his upcoming Christmas release after dinner while one of the geges took his phone away from his hand after noticing his endless scrolling on ‘not Weibo’. Before giving up the device, though, he managed to reply to Baekhyun’s picture message with Kyungsoo with a simple congratulations and well wishes.

The snacks were overflowing and aside from raucous laughter from a group of five grown-up men, a rom-com movie was randomly chosen to play on the TV. All of their attention were on the screen when the romantic bgm started blasting and the climactic kiss started playing.

“You should learn from the new kid, Yixing,” Honglei told him, pointing towards the lead actor who was around two years younger than him and was close to eating his leading lady’s face in front of the camera.

“Heard that kid’s quite popular. Lots of girlfriends,” his Bo-ge volunteered like a gossiping auntie. “If you get daily practice then that makes sense.” The older man pointed to the huge screen again, the kiss still ongoing.

“I don’t think I’d be needing that anytime soon,” Yixing answered, trying to downplay the brewing bitterness inside him since the topic of ‘kissing’ and ‘practice’ started, with a smile.

The forced grin soon disappeared and turned to an amused one when the elders were frozen in front of him.

“You already have someone?”

“Why did you not tell us?”

“You’d congratulate him over Weibo and it will be a disaster, stupid!”

“I was actually planning to do that but since when?”

“It’s not like that,” Yixing clarified. “There’s no one like that.”

“Ah, ah, we know that face, little brother,” Honglei pointed out.

“The not-Weibo! Twitter! The person’s a foreigner?” his Xun-ge volunteered which the rest nodded and agreed to.

“There’s this cute girl talking to him. He didn’t even close it so I got to see and like some posts!” Zhu-ge victoriously cackled as Yixing snatched his phone back. “I didn’t understand most of the posts, though,” the older admitted which got him some slap from the other geges.

Yixing could only sigh in relief when most of what the older had managed to like were random posts on his timeline. And the cute girl he was talking about and sent a random ‘ _Cute_ ’ reply to, was actually Baekhyun’s account with his crossdressing for CBX as the display picture.

He also saw the KakaoTalk notification from Junmyeon asking whether he was free to talk. It came in more than an hour ago and maybe, Yixing thought, he could at least answer that he was still out. Maybe they could have it some other time. Besides, it was the last day of the group’s three-day concert and Junmyeon should be resting by now.

Yixing was quite sure it would either be one of those awkward conversations again or _that_ talk—neither of which he was inclined to engage in at the moment. He was tapping his reply when his screen momentarily froze and the call screen popped-up.

Junmyeon was calling.

He was about to tap the red button but as stupid as his thumb could be, it pressed the green one, which had him putting the phone to his ear and immediately excusing himself from the elders.

“Heeeey, Yixing,” Junmyeon greeted as Yixing found his way towards the hallway.

“Hey, 'Myeon,” he returned. It had been a while since they had last talked aside from the occasional messages. Standard protocol when it came to phone conversations was to ask how the other had been. Yixing followed that and asked, “Did something happen?”

“Nop. It’s all good.”

 _What then?_ Yixing was tempted to ask for the purpose of the call. And if Junmyeon were to answer him something about missing their conversations then maybe he’d hang up. His ears would love to hear those words but his brain would tell him otherwise. Junmyeon’s ‘I miss you’ or even as simple as ‘I miss talking to you’ would not be good for his heart.

His brain was soon dictating to say something because the line had suddenly become quiet, something along the line of 'congrats on the successful concert’. But Junmyeon’s loud belching on the other line and the resulting chuckle interrupted the silence.

The older on a good day would be apologetic for the misbehaviour in a blink, but the Junmyeon he was talking to only chuckled until another softer burp interrupted which had him going for another round of laughter. Then it clicked.

“Are you drunk?” Yixing asked.

“Whaaat? No.”

“Junmyeon,” Yixing intoned, preparing himself to send the older to sleep without sounding like a nagging mother.

The drawling, the stretching of the syllables. Of course Junmyeon was lying through his teeth about having had too much drinks in the after-party. It was quite worrisome when Yixing knew that Junmyeon and Minseok would usually refrain from getting wasted (albeit being known for having stone-hard livers) just so they could drag the younger (passed out) ones to their rooms. Hopefully, Minseok was sober enough to take care of a drunk leader later.

“Okay, but only a little,” Junmyeon soon admitted. “The right amount to remember this tomorrow and make me brave enough so I can finally ask you…”

“Ask me what?” he prompted when it took a while for the dramatic pause in their conversation to end.

“Why have you been ignoring me, man? I thought we were best bros foreva. Why are you ignoring your bro? Huh?” was Junmyeon’s question followed by a few giggles.

Yixing wished he could deny the avoidance and laugh along with the older but he couldn’t; it felt inappropriate. He breathed in and decided to throw in his most used card. “Sorry. I’ve been quite busy,” he answered.

Junmyeon snorted. “Yeah, so busy that you could reply to Baekhyun’s text but ignore all the ones I’ve sent you. Gotcha.”

He could be guilty about being passive in the chat days before but Baekhyun’s case earlier was different. He could try to explain that one. “I—” Yixing started but was soon running out of words in panic. “Earlier—” he tried again but Junmyeon soon cut him off with a simple derisive snort and a “Liar.”

Somehow, Junmyeon’s accusation was valid. To a degree. But the part which it wasn’t true at all, the part Yixing knew for himself was not guilty, was affronted. And it wasn’t helping that he found the call too sudden that the longer he stayed on the line, the faster he found his and Junmyeon’s conversation spiraling down.

“It’s because of the incident, right?” Junmyeon soon asked.

“What—?” _Wait_. That was supposed to be _wait_.

“Oh, you know, the one in which we kissed for a few seconds, or was it minutes? I can’t tell,” Junmyeon volunteered with the coldest tone Yixing had heard the other talk in a long time. “Did you really do it because you wanted to help me out? Or… Was there perhaps another reason?”

Of course he’d always want to help Junmyeon out. And perhaps there was something else.

His mouth ran dry as his mind whirred to form coherent sentences. He wasn’t this spontaneous. If this were in a variety show, Go Fighting for example, his panicked face and some wailing would be enough to say he wasn’t ready. Yixing swallowed hard as he repeated words in his head.

He must be taking his damn time because Junmyeon soon sighed. “Okay, then just admit it,” the older said.

His heart just triple axled in his frozen chest upon hearing the demand. “Admit what?” he immediately returned, voice a bit shaky. He hadn’t thought well about the feelings he’d have to admit. He wanted to tell Junmyeon that. He wanted to be given more time—

“That you’ve been ignoring me because of that kissing-incident. Just admit it made things weird for you.”

Yixing could hear the other sigh after saying that. He was more than lost by now because it seemed like Junmyeon wanted for him to confess that it was weird for liking him that way. Maybe it was what the older wanted. Maybe Yixing should just admit it just so Junmyeon could strike and finally nail the ‘best friend’ tag on his forehead so it could be clear and they’d get over it. Maybe that was what they both wanted.

 _Don’t_. A part of himself warned. Maybe he could ask Junmyeon to personally talk about it once he returned to Seoul. It would be better to deal with it when—

“Yixing, just say something for god’s sake. Or are you ignoring me over the phone too?” Junmyeon asked, his tone lost with its usual patience.

 **No**. His mind screamed by then. But his mouth still managed to say “Fine.” Guess he’d have to wing it no matter how messy it’d get.

“I’m sorry, but yes, it made things a little weird for me. Come on, you have to admit it was weird. What happened there was weird.” He had to explain weird later but to continue, “It became a bit uncomfortable after that. I just don’t know how to approach you anymore.”

Yixing wasn’t really ready to say anything more but he had to, yes? He sighed. He wasn’t ready but he just had to. “Not when—” _I came to realize that_ —

“No, that’s fine. I get it. It’s totally fine. I understand. You won’t have to worry about that anymore. I won’t contact you privately for a while and neither should you. And since it’ll be too weird for you to continue helping with the tales fest, you’re free to go. I’ll do it on my own.”

“Junmyeon, I—”

“Goodbye, Yixing. Sorry I bothered you,” Junmyeon hastily said and before Yixing could even utter his name again, the call ended.

He tried calling back but all his attempts went to voicemail. At some point he considered telling it via the few seconds of recording instead, saying what he was supposed to say tonight though he could have prepared for it in a better way.

“But I guess that was it,” he muttered to himself as he watched his phone dim in his hand. “You didn’t want to hear it.”

Pocketing his phone, he walked back to the living room and asked his geges if he could sleep ahead. He needed to be early tomorrow, he reasoned. He was tired, he admitted with a smile when the older men tried to convince him to stay and eat more.

Maybe it would calm him down if he were surrounded by happy people. He might as well just go along, but before he could return to the couch, Honglei was standing up from his chair and herding him towards the guest room.

“I’ll send them off now and maybe you can tell me later,” the older told him before leaving him alone.

Yixing just sighed and plopped on the mattress. Words which should have been said a while ago remained swimming in his head. Bobbing from time to time on the surface, a breath close from whispering them that he had to clamp his lips shut.

No matter how much he tried to swallow them down, they still escaped, causing for his vision fixating on the dim ceiling to blur and for the cream coloured linen beneath him to catch them. They fell abundantly. Even until his Honglei-ge returned and sat next to him, they silently, steadily fell.

How Yixing wished the feelings and the words which stealthily settled in him would do the favour to leave the same way.

 

♦

Feelings, Yixing had come to slowly accept were like any foreign substance interacting with the body. One takes some in and it would take hours, and even days for the substance to bind and swim in one’s insides until the body ejects it. But there were still remnants of it, no matter how the purging.

He knew he was in the process of withdrawal—hangover—either term worked for him since the pain was almost the same although mostly were from inside-out, not the other way around. He got by attending events—the pop-up store and his Wang Xun-ge’s movie premier—with a cold towel on his face prior to putting ample amount of makeup on. Yixing also got an invite from his Huang Lei-gege to eat dinner with his family in the following day. ‘I’ll be cooking so come visit’ was the message his manager had read to him.

Recently he had kept himself away from his phone. His schedule were dictated mainly by his managers and little secretaries. Online messages were filtered by importance—personal ones were left unseen while those about work were prioritised. Yixing would send his mom messages from time-to-time just so she’d never worry. It was just more work on top of his multiple commitments.

For the past nights he only managed to ignore his stare-down appointment with the ceiling of his bedroom when he decided to finish the last task Junmyeon left him with the check-in for the tales fest. All he had to do was reply with the acknowledgement template for the first round of check-in and he’d be done. Except curiosity won where he read some of the works the author participants had sent in. His English wasn’t on the level of reading Kafka out loud while comprehending the content at the same time but he did understand the gist of most stories from the prompts provided and with the little help from translation programs online. Some were cute stories of him and Junmyeon as students meeting for the first time. Those bittersweet crushes. Those one-sided pinings—

It was too real. Yixing could say they were relatable. He wondered how those versions of him in the stories would deal with feeling—misplaced. Maybe he could learn from them. But he guessed the chance to do so was lost when Junmyeon decided to not work with Yixing in the project anymore. He’d never know of the endings. And as much as a part of him was telling him that he could just check their tales fest’s Chirp Chirp account since it was set to public once it was posting, he thought it unwise to lurk. Junmyeon clearly told him he no longer needed Yixing in the project so Yixing should respect that and keep his distance. Maybe if the chance would permit they could talk about it and Yixing could finally tell Junmyeon how he felt, but he’d rather do it later, when things were calmer. When he were calmer.

Music should not be his panacea but it did its superb job of pushing Yixing out of his comfort zone and getting him to have a healthy outlet for his emotions. When he was younger, he’d prefer being left alone to do his job—no interruptions meant no noise. But music taught him that though it was okay to still prefer those, it also assured him that going out and accepting those who reached out would also have productive outcomes. Sure, seeing his Huang Lei-ge’s family during dinner had him feeling a bit sad for what he thought he would never have—not that he was already far out thinking of living with… someone else—but it did give him a good few lines to work with for his winter release.

_Everyone’s happy now but I’m alone tonight._

Getting home that same night was more like getting to the studio and heading straight to his keyboard before the ideas got away. His manager handed him his phone the moment he stepped into his workstation, saying there had been messages he was yet to answer and when he checked, they were mostly from Baekhyun and a couple of messages from the other members.

Yixing didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed that he didn’t see Junmyeon’s name in the list but he guessed he deserved it. Also, he didn’t know what to say if he were to receive any messages from the older.

“I’ll just go back to these once I’m done with my songs,” he told his manager. “I think I’ll be done with one tonight,” he continued as he opened his laptop and waited for it to boot.

His manager hovered around the studio to tidy things up a bit and set aside the papers Yixing had left lying on the couch the night before. “About your question last time…” the older man started while the rustling behind him continued.

Yixing turned his swivel chair towards the man as his desktop opened. “The management has answered?” he asked.

“They said there’s no need for you to fly there soon,” his manager answered. “But if you want, you can still visit before the year ends at the company’s expense.”

He hummed as he gave it a thought. Yixing better not step on Seoul for a while. Not until he was ready to face things and… people there.

“I guess I’ll have to pass. It’s convenient if I have the release without going back and forth,” he reasoned as he returned to face his laptop. “Ge, can you bring me breakfast here tomorrow?”

“Okay. I’ll be back early.”

Yixing nodded to his manager and before the older was out, he reminded Yixing that his phone was left on the table. He replied with a non-committal hum and continued locating and opening files on his laptop. The night was long and he had more than two weeks to finalize everything.

 

♦

Just a few days before the release of Winter Special Gift, Yixing received a barrage of stickers and messages from Baekhyun. The younger was sent a demo of the song a few days back; something Yixing was compelled to do after Baekhyun’s constant pestering and uploading of dramatic short video clips in their chat.

A thinking brown dog sticker was the first to be received, then ‘What’s with the depressing song?’

‘I am aware you’re emo but Goodbye Christmas Day is just’

A crying brown dog at this point and an angry one after that. Yixing wanted to correct the younger that is was just ‘Goodbye Christmas’.

‘I dunno what’s happening there’ Baekhyun continued.

‘Are you going through something?’

‘You can talk to me’

‘You know you can tell me anything right?’

A brown dog saluting followed as Baekhyun kept on, leaving no space for Yixing to reply.

‘Hyung, TALK TO ME!’

‘HYUNG’

‘GEGE’

‘BROTHER!’

‘I KNOW YOU’RE READING THIS’

Yixing was typing a message telling the other that everything was fine and he hoped for Baekhyun to have a great winter break but the other was still sending messages.

‘ARE YOU IGNORING ME TOO???’

His thumb hovered on the screen as he thought about Baekhyun’s insinuation. Maybe Junmyeon had mentioned about Yixing deliberately ignoring him to the others. Fights among the members could not be kept for long and Yixing knew that although the difference was that he wasn’t directly involved before but at the moment, he was.

And it could be said the odds were against him. There was also his hesitation to try to explain the situation. He didn’t want the situation between him and Junmyeon to get worse and if he were to say anything about it, it should be to Junmyeon and not to other people.

Yixing just stared at his phone screen and pressed on the del-button of the keyboard to delete his reply. When Baekhyun’s messages seemed to have rested from its constant screaming, Yixing closed the app, threw his phone on the other side of his bed and turned to take a nap.

The next day, he received a message from his manager. He had to fly to Seoul no matter what his issues were. Things had become outside of himself.

 

♦

“Spilt water is hard to recover.”


	9. Facing Fears

  
  


In the snowy days of December, Junmyeon continued with his daily commitments as if nothing was bothering him. Recalling that Yixing had admitted things had turned weird between them and him suggesting they should stay away from each other for a while, had caused an uneasiness in his heart. He and Yixing hadn’t resumed their communication, of course, and what he mostly knew about him was through the other members. But his best coping mechanism after learning that the person he liked may never return those feelings and not even friendship remained between them, was to go on with life and not dwell too much on the emotions. Neither did he want to worry the members with his internal troubles. Thus, Junmyeon did his best to act like he always did. Not everyone could be fooled, however, and Sehun had noticed the truth but understood that if this were the way Junmyeon wanted to deal with the heartbreak, then he would respect it.

His musical debut as a lead actor took place yesterday. Amid nervousness and excitement, Junmyeon had pulled through the performance. He felt it could have been better but thought that at least he had provided a good experience to the public. Junmyeon had received many praises and congratulations from all his friends and family, well, almost everyone. Even a lot of fans had attended the opening night of the musical, probably because of him. It had touched his heart to see the unconditional love and support from the fans towards him. As a form of appreciation, he wrote them a message expressing his sheer gratitude, but also mentioning everyone else who had helped him on the way.

After Junmyeon had posted his message on the app, he went to Chirp Chirp to see more of the sweet and encouraging words the fans were saying to him. Those heartwarming posts were making him smile and distract himself from other thoughts. Until Baekhyun interrupted his reading when he appeared in the kitchen, flapping his phone in the air.

“Junmyeon-hyung!” Baekhyun called and sat on the chair next to him, “Do you know what’s up with Yixing-hyung these days? He seen-zoned me! And I thought our sticker conversation was going well! I was so wrong,” he said, shaking his head.

This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have as of now. Although he would never admit it out loud, Junmyeon did feel somewhat bitter that Yixing didn’t feel the same as him, even though it was unjustified because Yixing was definitely not at fault. But ignoring Baekhyun’s question would be strange. He put aside his phone and cleared his throat. “Well, maybe he’s just busy. You know how hectic schedules can be at the end of the year.”

Baekhyun pouted while furrowing his eyebrows. “Yeah, maybe… But I find it hard to believe that he doesn’t even have time for a friend. And not just any friend, a friend of many years! This doesn’t sound like the Yixing we know.”

His heart suddenly jumped inside his chest. Had Yixing told Baekhyun about Junmyeon’s drunken call? Junmyeon hadn’t even said anything to Sehun other than ‘No, he doesn’t feel the same.’ Why go around telling everyone about their issues when they would hopefully get resolved when Junmyeon’s fragile heart stopped yearning for him? And why did it feel even bitter that it was Baekhyun who Yixing had turned to? By the sound of Baekhyun’s previous words, it felt as if they were subtly implying Junmyeon had done wrong for suggesting he and Yixing should no longer speak (at least for a while). And hearing it, Junmyeon was indeed starting to feel somewhat guilty for abiding by that suggestion. Saying something like that after how long they had been friends… But it had been the right call. Otherwise, he would have an even harder time trying to forget his one-sided feelings, and that would have been more complicated to deal with.

“Baekhyun, I’m sure he’s not giving you the silent treatment. He’s just occupied.”

“How do you know that? Has he told you anything?”

“No. We… Haven’t spoken in days.”

“Oh, so he’s been ignoring you too?” Baekhyun asked but didn’t let Junmyeon answer because soon he was rambling again. “I knew it,” he said, snapping his fingers, “Something must be going on with him. I mean, a couple of days ago I listened to his new single, Goodbye Christmas Day, and it’s a pretty depressing song for Christmas. Of course, we also sing some bittersweet melodies, but Yixing’s beats us in terms of sadness. Have you heard it? The lyrics are super sad! It’s almost as if he’s singing to somebody who broke his heart… Or maybe he broke someone’s heart! And this is how he thinks they feel. I’m not sure, but something is going on with him, and he doesn’t want to tell us, right?”

Baekhyun had spoken way too fast it took Junmyeon some effort to catch up with everything said. For obvious reasons, he hadn’t heard Yixing’s new creation, Junmyeon didn’t even remember Yixing mentioning it before. Maybe it was a new song Yixing had added at the last minute. But Baekhyun’s ramble had made him think, analyze the bits and pieces he remembered of their last conversation… That night, could Yixing have seen right through his drunken voice and figured out that Junmyeon had feelings for him, so he wrote a song about it? For what reasons exactly? Or was the other possibility the correct one? He knew Yixing sometimes liked to write lyrics based on his own experiences, but it couldn’t be because Junmyeon had broken his heart. Yixing didn’t feel anything for him, he had said so himself, not explicitly but indirectly it could be understood that way.

“Hello? Earth to Junmyeon!” Baekhyun asked and waved his hand in front of him.

Junmyeon redirected his lost gaze back to Baekhyun and saw the confusion on the younger’s face. “I don’t know, Baekhyun. But let’s not speculate on Yixing’s private life, it’s impolite, and I’m sure he wouldn’t like that. So, just wait for when he has more time, and he’ll get back to you,” Junmyeon ended the conversation. To avoid more questions about the matter, he stood up and said he would go take a shower. As he left the kitchen, he faintly heard Baekhyun saying to himself, ‘I’ll text Yixing-hyung again and see what’s going on.’

* * *

A new year had begun, time had reset. These past few weeks had been a muddle of emotions, of work and other matters. However, Junmyeon was doing better, not exactly regarding his distance from Yixing, but because of everything else that had occurred in the final days of December. It had been trying times for him, the members and everyone else. For the others, Junmyeon had been near them to notice how they were doing, but with Yixing, at least the occasional text that Yixing sent to the group chat reassured him that he was doing okay too, compared to the last time they had seen each other in a brief encounter in December.

That day, he had only glanced at him for a few seconds. It was when Junmyeon had turned around to leave, and amid the many faces, he saw Yixing. Yixing gave him a look that said so much without the need to hear the words, Junmyeon was feeling the same, if not worse. They both acknowledged each other with a nod when Junmyeon walked past Yixing. Junmyeon had been on his way to sleep for a few hours and regain some energy for his next musical performance. Despite the difficult situation, it would be his second day on the musical, and he didn’t want to let the fans down by missing it. Junmyeon later found out that Yixing been filming all day in China but had flown here as soon as the schedule had ended. In the same way, Yixing had returned right after visiting the funeral hall. After knowing that, at that moment, it didn’t seem to matter whether it was proper to send Yixing a message or not, he just wanted to let Yixing know that despite everything, he still worried about him. ‘Please, don’t forget to rest’ had been his text, to which Yixing replied hours later, ‘You too.’

But that faint exchange hadn’t been enough to set their issues straight. And there was a part of Junmyeon that always reminded him he should speak with Yixing soon, so he could at least clear the air between them. That drunken call may have let Junmyeon know Yixing’s feelings towards him, but if Junmyeon had felt they had been drifting apart before that call, at this point they were basically estranged. And it was possibly his fault. Afraid of hearing more reasons to why the kissing-incident had been ‘weird,’ Junmyeon had not given Yixing a chance to talk. Perhaps he should have been brave enough to face Yixing’s thoughts. Too bad that opportunity was lost now, and he will have to wait until who knew when Yixing would return.

With Yixing’s absence, it had been taxing to manage the tales fest on his own. The days were long and busy that almost not much free time was left to handle it. He had wished Yixing had been there. Although maybe his reasons to see and talk to Yixing had more to do with the fact his heart still futilely yearned for him. Either way, it would have been shameless, tactless even, to message Yixing saying he needed his help after how Junmyeon had basically kicked him out of their project, at least that was how he remembered it too be. Therefore, even if Junmyeon had to sacrifice some sleep and resting time, he had prepared everything for the tales fest’s posting on his own, but it certainly hadn’t felt as fun as before.

Today, on the tenth day of the year, Junmyeon had revealed the first stories on Chirp Chirp. Almost all of the writers had handed in the stories, so he made a posting schedule that would last a total of ten days. Luckily, even if he were to be stuck on a ten-hour flight to Dubai, there would be Wi-fi available and a chance to post uninterrupted.

As the days of posting went by, the reception of the stories continued being positive and encouraging. His children appreciated them, voicing out their joy and thankfulness on the fest’s Chirp Chirp. Junmyeon had felt the same way. And it was during car rides, pauses between schedules, the long flights, and even as a bedtime story, that Junmyeon found some time to read them. Reading was a good distraction, and yet it was bittersweet because they painted surreal pictures in his mind.

Most authors had contributed with heartening stories in which due to some twists of fate, he and Yixing met, fell in love, and after a journey of complications, ended up happily ever after. Those were the stories that hurt the most and made him sigh at the end. His reality was far different from the imaginative world of them struggling with their careers and falling in love on the way. Only a few of the entries had been the heart-wrenching type, the ones that tore up his heart into pieces. And how ironic could they be? In two stories, he had read about how his character’s stupid mistakes from the pasts had made him lose Yixing in the present, only to be left behind with the remnants of what they once had. It seemed as if even some of the fictional Junmyeons were doomed to a cruel fate.

Then, the last day of posting had come. It had fallen on his rest day in between his musical performances. He wasn’t exactly resting, though, there were other matters to attend, and maybe Junmyeon just hoped that it would be enough to distract him. Because a few days earlier, in Dubai, Baekhyun had mentioned that Yixing would be back today to participate in some music production workshop at the company. And thanks to Chirp Chirp he found out that Yixing had arrived this morning. But Yixing headed towards the workshop as soon as he had landed and had been there almost all day because he hadn’t been at the dorm yet.

Again, how ironic that Junmyeon had wanted a chance to talk to Yixing in person, and now that it was finally here he didn’t really know how to handle it. Or perhaps it wasn’t irony, and it was just him being a coward again. Because right now, when most of the day had passed and evening arrived, Junmyeon knew he was staying in his room only to avoid Yixing walking in unexpectedly at the dorm. Junmyeon was running away again, trying to shelter himself from more ache, even though his mind continued reasoning that he needed to talk to Yixing. Maybe Baekhyun was right, and he was a chicken.

He couldn’t hide forever, though. Junmyeon was in the middle of writing the reveal post, when Baekhyun came into his room, gleefully smiling, to tell him that Yixing had arrived. Junmyeon closed his laptop and said he’ll be with them in a moment. A moment that lasted more than a few minutes and turned close to an hour. Junmyeon had paced around in his room, thinking of what words to say, as if he were rehearsing for the most nerve-wracking speech ever, and he was already quite used to delivering a speech in front of thousands of people, but somehow this one person was his most challenging audience. When he had found enough courage to at least leave the room and go greet Yixing, he walked down to the ground floor only to find out that Yixing and some of the members had gone out for dinner. Junmyeon wasn’t surprised that they hadn’t invited him, because earlier he had asked them to not disturb him, and Baekhyun possibly didn’t return to break that request again because he knew of the lingering awkwardness between him and Yixing, or maybe Yixing had asked him not to. Either way, it was okay, this should give him more time to prepare himself.

Too bad that the waiting time was not spent rehearsing what to say and how to say it. All he could think of was how it would feel like when Yixing walked through that hall. Would Yixing nod at him and then walk past him? Would he pretend to be glad to see him in front of the others? Or would he also want to talk? Probably not.

Soon, the moment of truth had come. Laughter and ruckus could be heard emanating from the main door. Junmyeon’s heart raced as if preparing to jump out of his chest. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants. And then, six familiar faces stood in front of him. The group’s earlier mirth died and was replaced with a strange silence in which all of them looked around the room wondering where the strange atmosphere came from, except Yixing and Junmyeon already knew the reason. And so did Baekhyun and Sehun possibly because those two glanced at each other and broke the silence by asking Chanyeol, Jongdae, and Minseok to go play computer games in the gaming room, they didn’t even wait to hear what the other three would say but were quickly dragging them away from the living room.

With the other members gone, Junmyeon realized that Yixing was still staring at the floor, or the carpet, or the lamp, anywhere but him apparently. At least he hadn’t left yet.

_Well, here it goes._

“Hi Yixing,” he said, but it came out so low, almost like a whisper that he had to say it louder again so Yixing would hear it.

Finally, Yixing looked at him, for a nanosecond. “Oh, hey,” he said, raising an arm to scratch behind his shoulder and avoid looking Junmyeon’s way.

Junmyeon cursed inwardly. How did people talk now again? Because right now he couldn’t remember how to continue this conversation, not even how he had rehearsed to bring the main topic up. And his silence only made Yixing sigh and then say he would look at what the others were doing. Seeing Yixing turning around, Junmyeon shouted, “Wait!”

Yixing came to a halt and turned around. “What is it?” he asked, and Junmyeon was unsure whether he was staring at him or the wall behind him.

A question, he could stall him with a question. “How are you?”

“Good. You?”

“I’m… Fine.” Okay, now he needed another question and quickly he thought of one. “How was the workshop?”

“It went well.”

Yixing loved to talk about music and wouldn’t hold back sharing his experiences, his enthusiasm would be spread all over his face, voice and body language. This time, clearly, Yixing didn’t sound so eager to keep this conversation going.

 _Might as well just say it all now_. “I don’t like what has become of us.”

Yixing frowned and stared at him for the longest time in the past five minutes. “What?”

Junmyeon gulped. Why was this so hard? Of course, last time hadn’t felt this way due to his drunken state. Although it had made him braver, being drunk also made him say things that he later didn’t think came out well. So, he should be facing this sober and with all his senses. “This,” he said, pointing his finger between Yixing and himself, “Distance between us. I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right.”

“But you were the one who suggested it,” Yixing said with an accusatory tone, crossing his arms and looking at him unimpressed or perhaps it was annoyance what reflected on his face.

“Yes, but I was drunk.” And vulnerable.

“Do you think saying you’re drunk will excuse you for doing and saying things? Am I that stupid to you?”

“No, Yixing,” Junmyeon hurried to explain himself, “I just don’t want us to be on bad terms anymore. At least for the sake of the group, we should try to fix it.”

Yixing huffed, “Ah, so for the sake of the group, I should excuse you for telling me to stay away from you, kicking me out of our project and then not speaking to me until you felt like it? Is that right?”

Junmyeon embarrassedly nodded his head.

“Fine,” Yixing shrugged, “You’re excused for being a prick, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon should have seen this coming. He knew the extent of his fault but being blamed for everything wasn’t a feeling he was used to and didn’t know how to handle it. A defensive attitude certainly wasn’t it, but he still said, “What about you? We were doing fine until you suddenly and blatantly began ignoring me! I just did you a favor and said what you felt and clearly never dared to tell me.”

“‘Never dared to tell you?’ Can you hear yourself now, Junmyeon? What exactly did you know about what I was feeling?”

“That’s the thing, I knew nothing! Not until you admitted that you were weirded out because of what happened back in the practice room. So, your way of dealing with it was to shun me when you could easily have said: ‘Junmyeon stay away from me, I’m not comfortable around you.’”

“I had to keep away from everybody to think! What makes you think it is that easy to tell?”

“Because I am your friend! I would have gotten the message loud and clear, and not dumbly held conversations with myself in our chat. I would have understood.”

“No, you weren’t being a friend,” Yixing said as he shook his head. “I was going to explain myself when you called that night and went on cutting me off before I was able to say anything. It is as if you’re blaming me for the things you chose not to hear.”

Their voices had been raised at a high level. Fortunately, the members were upstairs and wouldn’t hear much of this unplanned fight. This wasn’t going the way Junmyeon had pictured it, both looking at each other angrily while venting out their frustrations.

“I was going to explain myself when we talked again. But then you went on cutting me off before I was able to say anything. It is as if you’re blaming me for things you chose not to hear. And now you want things to get fixed again? Just because it is convenient for you? I don’t get you, Junmyeon,” Yixing said, “I don’t get anything of what you’ve done so far. What do you want to happen? If you want me to stay away, them tell me that is what you want. If you are afraid that you will be blamed for telling me so, then I can just tell everybody it is my choice. It is that simple.”

“It’s not like that,” Junmyeon interrupted him. He was getting impatient with how this conversation was going nowhere, almost as if they were only going to keep passing the blame onto each other.

“Then tell me in a way I’ll understand why it feels like you don’t want me around and then you go on blaming me for not being around!”

Junmyeon let some seconds pass by until he finally let it out.

“Fine! You wanna know why, Yixing? Because I fell in love with you, okay? After we kissed, yes, kissed, because that wasn’t a practice kiss or anything like that, for me it was a kiss, an amazing kiss, I realized I was truly, madly and deeply in love with you. So much that it hurt tremendously when you began ignoring me. Then, I called you in hopes that maybe, just maybe you felt the same, but you admitted truthfully that it weirded you out. And that was okay! You’re free to feel whatever you want. But I had to stay away from you. At least until my feelings died out because you have no any idea how hard it is to be around someone you cannot have. I needed the distance.”

 _Stop, you’re rambling, stop!_ But Junmyeon couldn’t help himself, everything had been bottled up for long, he just had to continue.

“So, yes, I’m in love with you. That’s it. That’s why I asked you to stay away, so I could have a chance to get over it and not weird you out anymore. But I’m probably doing things worse now that you know my feelings. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for pushing you away, I-I just thought I was doing the reasonable thing. And finally, I know what you want to say. So, just say it, okay? Say you will never like me back so you can kill my hopes once and for all, and we can for heaven’s sake put this whole mess behind us.”

Junmyeon closed his eyes, he exhaled and inhaled, trying to recover his breath after that long venting. As his mind cooled off, he realized the importance of what he had said. He had confessed his love for his long-time friend, his friend that still wasn’t saying a word. Well, how worse could it be to hear Yixing’s rejection now? Junmyeon opened his eyes and saw Yixing staring at him with an open mouth.


	10. 不可得兼

  
  


The moment Yixing stepped into the dorm after delaying the inevitable by visiting the company building first, a long held sigh escaped him. Maybe not seeing Junmyeon greeting him along with the other members who had no schedule for the day would be the norm and he guessed that it would be far better than forcing things and be blatantly awkward around each other. After he set aside his luggage, he asked those around whether they’d like to have dinner outside, something Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Sehun, Jongdae and Minseok eagerly agreed to. It was Sehun who told the group he’d call Junmyeon but Baekhyun was fast in announcing that their leader wished to not be disturbed in his room.

It stung, a bit, this walking around between him and Junmyeon, but he could not really do anything about it. A brief silence lingered between him and the members in the living room. Careful glances were thrown at each other and Yixing knew by then that the group was already aware of what was between him and their leader.

“We can just bring food for those who won’t be able to join us,” Yixing volunteered, something the rest nodded to as he opened his phone to message their manager to get a car ready.

Good thing all of them were equally starving that when they settled into their table and the waitress arrived with the menu, everyone was busy talking about which dishes to order and who wanted which drink. Minseok assumed the head position since Junmyeon wasn’t around, dealing with requests to the server like extra plates and utensils while Yixing was the one in charge of additional food orders since Baekhyun, Jongdae and Sehun had the tendency to magically make food vanish with their appetite.

It was over dessert when the topic of take home meals for the three absent members was remembered, making Chanyeol raise his hand and announce that Jongin wanted some braised pork and veggies.

“Has anybody told Kyungsoo?” Minseok asked around while the rest pointedly stared at each other.

“I’ll ask him,” Jongdae volunteered, pulling out his phone from his pocket.

“No, no, let’s not keep auntie waiting. Let’s just choose for him,” suggested Yixing, who was the one talking to the waitress attending to their order.

“Let’s get him the dry noodles with beef,” Baekhyun said, checking the menu.

“How about for Junmyeon?” Minseok asked, earning a few shrugs from the members until the older’s gaze fell on him. “Yixing?”

All eyes turned towards him and he could only shake his head. “I don’t really know what he’d like to eat,” Yixing admitted.

“Let’s just drop by the convenience store and get him his favourite canned chicken since he’d complain at whichever food we bring him anyway,” Baekhyun quipped. Sehun, who was considered the closest to the older in the room silently shook his head and chuckled in defeat.

“Yixing-hyung will be the one to give it!” Jongdae immediately supported the suggestion, surprising Yixing who tried to ask the members to spare him but Baekhyun was fast to keep the banter going.

The younger cleared his throat, and in a soft, melodious tone Yixing could only guess was Baekhyun’s attempt at impersonating him, Baekhyun said, “‘Junmyeon, are you going to eat that? If not, _please go out_ ,’” while gesturing to the door.

This sent the other members cracking up while Yixing tried to cover his face due to embarrassment. He thought the 'please go out’ joke had long died since it had been years but boy he was wrong.

♦

The ruckus the middle children in the group (endearingly dubbed by the fans and the members as the beagle line) was causing immediately fell into a hush and awkward glances when they entered the dorm.

Junmyeon was standing in the hallway, looking like a parent who had been waiting for his kids to arrive.

Baekhyun gave Yixing's arm a squeeze and disappeared with the rest so fast as if they had long planned it and his call to not leave him so suddenly was left hanging at the tip of his tongue. He toed off his slip-ons as he secretly wished that by the time he looked up, Junmyeon had already left and followed the other members.

Yet, Yixing could still see somebody in the hallway in his periphery and he did not need to guess it was the older and his apprehensive face.

“Hi Yixing,” Junmyeon greeted like the first time he ever greeted Yixing back when they were yet to debut. It sounded like the older was strangled by someone else to make him greet Yixing. And Yixing truly believed that such forced situation should be banished from any social interaction.

“Oh, hey,” he returned.

A glance towards Junmyeon confirmed his earlier assumptions. And it was safe to say that the other was mirroring his want to just run away from the hallway and forget that their awkward pleasantries ever happened.

Yixing immediately excused himself and walked past the older, his hand automatically reaching for his phone in his pocket. Something to fill his slowly chilling hand and occupy his mind. Maybe he could message Kasper’s team and they can work on a choreo for fun.

“Wait!”

Yixing halted on his steps and did his best to not sigh. “What is it?” he asked after turning back to the older. 

“How are you?”

“Good. You?”

“I’m… fine.” Junmyeon’s attempt at smiling was unbearable that Yixing just had to focus staring at the other’s shoulder instead. “How was the workshop?” the older seemed to want to continue.

“It went well.” _Not the best, but he got things done_. Yixing wanted to share but he guessed Junmyeon was just asking out of obligation; being the leader was a difficult job, for one. Or maybe the members coaxed the other the way they told Yixing earlier to approach Junmyeon.

 _They were on talking terms. At least_. Yixing could tell the others that as well. Having to silently agree to that was a bit vexing but he could never do anything. Junmyeon seemed to run out of ice breaker questions and Yixing thought it best to leave for his room.

“I don’t like what has become of us,” Junmyeon said before Yixing was able to turn once again and leave.

“What?” 

“This,” Junmyeon said, pointing between them, “Distance between us. I don’t like it. It doesn’t feel right.”

It hadn’t felt right. Yixing knew that. And Junmyeon talking about it now only made Yixing breathe in deep as his hands found his waist. He took another breath and as soon as he let go of it, he tried his hardest to even out his tone.

“You were the one who suggested it,” he told Junmyeon, meeting the other’s gaze and holding on to it because the older seemed to be insinuating something Yixing didn’t like at all.

“Yes, but I was drunk.” 

Yixing almost rolled his eyes to that or he could have flipped the shelf next to Junmyeon but his brain chose to internally play his sarcastic chuckles on repeat instead.

“Do you think saying you’re drunk will excuse you for doing and saying things?” Yixing’s jaw clenched as he tried his best to watch his words. “Am I that stupid to you?”

“No, Yixing—I just don’t want us to be on bad terms anymore. At least for the sake of the group, we should try to fix it.”

“Ah, so for the sake of the group, I should excuse you for telling me to stay away from you, kicking me out of _our_ project and then not speaking to me until you felt like it? Is that right?” he asked and waited for any retort but Junmyeon only slowly nodded his head. Yixing could already feel the trembling grip of his fingers on his waist and before he could do or say something really stupid, he decided to let it go the way people usually expect him to.

“Fine,” Yixing shrugged, “you’re excused for being a prick, Junmyeon.”

He had successfully taken a few steps away when Junmyeon started again behind him. “What about you? We were doing fine until you suddenly and blatantly began ignoring me. And don’t tell me you weren’t because you’re doing it to me now. I just did you a favor and said what you felt you never dared to tell me.”

Yixing was once again halted on his steps. Junmyeon’s words sounded so wrong that he had to turn back and correct it.

“‘Never dared to tell you?’” he gritted through his teeth. “Can you hear yourself now? What exactly did you know about what I feel?”

“That’s the thing, I knew nothing! Not until you admitted that you were weirded out because of what happened back in the practice room. So, your way of dealing with it was to shun me when you could easily have said: ‘Junmyeon stay away from me, I’m not comfortable around you.’”

“I had to keep away from everybody to think! What makes you think it is that easy to tell?”

“Because I am your friend! I would have gotten the message loud and clear, and not dumbly held conversations with myself in our chat. I would have understood.”

“No, you weren’t being a friend,” Yixing said as he shook his head. “I was going to explain myself when you called that night and went on cutting me off before I was able to say anything. It is as if you’re blaming me for the things you chose not to hear.

“And now you want things to get fixed again? Just because it is convenient for you? I don’t get you, Junmyeon,” Yixing told the older, “I don’t get anything of what you’ve done so far. I don’t get this.

“I honestly can’t tell you to stay away because that is not what I want. But if you want me to stay away, then tell me. If you are afraid that you will be blamed for telling me so, then I can just tell everybody it is my choice. I’ll get the flak of it either way.”

“It’s not like that,” Junmyeon said. 

“Then tell in a way I’ll understand why it feels like you don’t want me around and then you go on blaming me for not being around!” Yixing voice rose that when he said those words, the following silence was almost deafening.

“Fine! You wanna know why, Yixing? Because I fell in love with you, okay? After we kissed, yes, kissed, because that wasn’t a practice kiss or anything like that, for me it was a kiss, an amazing kiss, I realized I was truly, madly and deeply in love with you. So much that it hurt tremendously when you began ignoring me. Then, I called you in hopes that maybe, just maybe you felt the same, but you admitted truthfully that it weirded you out. And that was okay! You’re free to feel whatever you want but I had to stay away from you. At least until my feelings died out because you have no any idea how hard it is to be around someone you cannot have. I needed the distance.” Junmyeon sniffed but his bloodshot eyes not left its gaze upon Yixing. “So, yes, I’m in love with you. That’s it. That’s why I asked you to stay away, so I could have a chance to get over it and not weird you out anymore. But I’m probably doing things worse now that you know my feelings. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry for pushing you away, I-I just thought I was doing the reasonable thing. And finally, I know what you want to say. So, just say it, okay? Say you will never like me back so you can kill my hopes once and for all, and we can for heaven’s sake put this whole mess behind us.”

It was only Junmyeon’s painful attempt to even out his breathing that filled the space as Yixing stood there dumbfounded. He was sure he was looking stupid at the moment but his brain was still busy processing what Junmyeon had said paired with his internal screaming of multiple ‘what’s as Junmyeon’s words connected and slowly made sense.

The realization which came to him the soonest as he started walking towards Junmyeon was that, if he properly understood what he had heard, there was supposed to be no problem at all. The sooner realization was that he should probably close his gaping mouth and properly tell Junmyeon the soonest realization.

Yixing’s slow steps immediately became strides when the moment Junmyeon opened his eyes again after squeezing them shut while trying to calm himself because tears started to abundantly fall from them. The older was legitimately crying and Yixing was suddenly panicking.

“I’m sorry. I—” A loud thud from another side of the dorm and the following gasps cut Yixing’s words off. Junmyeon was still trying to contain his sobs in front of him and the only thing Yixing could do was suggest for them to talk inside one of their rooms instead.

Before the older could answer, another bump was heard followed by a few whispers and Yixing was compelled to pull Junmyeon by the hand and bring themselves to the older’s room. He did not even bother to scold Chanyeol who was left in the hallway when the rest scrambled to get away from being caught eavesdropping because the younger seemed so pathetic pretending to be a pillar and wanting to merge with the wall by facing it. He only continued to drag Junmyeon who was still trembling past the hallway and immediately closed the door once they arrived in the bedroom.

“I’ve always liked you.” Yixing had his back on the door when he said it. “It took me a while to realize how different the like that I have for you is.

“I only wanted you for myself which I found selfish so I thought it unacceptable especially when you were being a genuine friend to me.

“I thought I’d be fine if we can be both happy just as we’ve always been. That’s what I thought you also wanted. I tried, Junmyeon, but we both can say now it wasn’t working.”

“You like me, too,” Junmyeon said, his sobs softening to mere sniffles as he stood staring at him.

Yixing nodded as he left the door and moved towards the other. “Yes, I fell in love with you, too,” he admitted, reaching out to hold Junmyeon’s hand.

A disbelieving huff escaped Junmyeon followed with a “Why were we shouting at each other again?”

“I was about to ask that earlier, too,” he told Junmyeon who was already chuckling and before he could say anything any more, the older tackled him into tight hug. Yixing let out a relieved huff as his arms closed to pull Junmyeon closer.

“Shit. We seem crazy now, don’t we?” muttered the older as he rested his head on Yixing’s shoulder. “I like you, it turns out you like me, too, and I cried shit for nothing.”

“I’m sorry,” Yixing said. With those two simple words paired with the relief of their situation, his eyes easily watered as he held onto their embrace.

Junmyeon was good at escaping his hold, though, the moment he started sniffing.

“Xing, are you crying?” the older asked, and his worried gaze and gentle voice, something Yixing had not experienced for a while, only made the stinging of his eyes stronger.

With just Junmyeon’s hands on his cheeks to hold his face in place, the first batch of his tears abundantly fell. It was embarrassing and though he tried to turn away, Junmyeon still held it while trying to wipe the tears with his thumb and hushing him. Yixing was supposed to be the calmer one. He was supposed to be the one hushing Junmyeon down. 

“Tell me what’s wrong? We’re supposed to be laughing at ourselves now,” Junmyeon said.

“I can’t, I feel bad about the fight and I made you cry and because we were stupid,” he blubbered. “I’m also quite relieved because I thought I had to stay away for good.”

“No, I will not let you leave like that.” Junmyeon returned to hugging him and shaking his head. “We had to shout at each other and have that stupid fight in one way or another.”

“I don’t like confrontations,” Yixing said as equally held the other tightly, his sobs softening as he felt Junmyeon’s heartbeats on his chest.

“But look what avoidance had done to us,” answered Junmyeon. “We should learn from the kids.”

“I don’t want to throw things like what Baekhyun and Jongdae did.” Yixing felt the rumble of Junmyeon’s chuckle as they remained in their embrace in the middle of the room.

“I don’t think we’ll ever resort to that. Remember what happened to Minseok’s robot vacuum?” Junmyeon pulled away to look at him. And the older must have found the answer because Yixing was sure his mouth fell open upon remembering seeing how Minseok’s beloved cleaning robot flew across the room and shattered the glass door to the dorm veranda. He remembered how he and Junmyeon later worked together to comfort all of the younger ones who started crying when the eldest’s chilling wrath was unleashed. And he remembered, while flying back to China, how many rob vacs Minseok got from the kids the next day via online shopping when Junmyeon updated him.

It was three.

Chanyeol ordered two, one from him and one from both Jongin and Sehun because ‘those two are stingy’; Jongdae and Baekhyun made up and got one for the older as well; while Junmyeon, Kyungsoo and their manager rushed towards the nearest supermarket to fill their stock of cleaning products because the eldest was bound to clean the whole dorm out of spite. Yixing promised Minseok he’d get him a portable yoghurt maker from China instead so as not to be unlucky and give the fourth smart cleaner.

This event achieved legendary status in their dorm that any sighting of a rob vac outside would shut the younger members up as if they were on a sudden silent prayer. And just the memory of it would bring contained laughter from them, the three eldest of the group.

“I like that expression better,” Junmyeon said, returning the grin that was forming on Yixing’s lips. “I honestly miss it.”

“I missed you, too,” he admitted without much thought. Junmyeon nodded in agreement and squeezed Yixing’s waist with his arms that still wrapped around it.

“I did, too.” Junmyeon’s earnest gaze made Yixing tear up again. He followed when it trailed lower and his heart quivered when the older’s lips slightly parted and he glanced up at Yixing. “Xing, can I—”

He did not wait for the question to finish as his heartbeat raced and he immediately closed his eyes. Yixing felt Junmyeon leaning closer, the older doing most of the job in closing the gap between them.

Until that small distance was filled with sudden growling noise which Yixing indubitably felt. Junmyeon’s stomach let out another confirming growl when disbelief hung between them.

“Oh, food.” Yixing remembered their take home which Chanyeol volunteered to carry earlier. “We brought some for you, Kyungsoo and Jongin in case you three haven’t eaten yet.”

“Oh. That’s thoughtful of you,” Junmyeon muttered, his cheeks starting to turn redder.

“Do you want me to get your share?” Yixing asked and waited until the other defeatedly nodded with a soft ‘yes, please. I’m starving’.

“Sure, starving,” he returned and gave Junmyeon’s side of the head a peck before leaving to the kitchen.

♦

“That was fast,” Baekhyun greeted when Yixing entered their kitchen. The younger was on the bar and hunching over a bowl of dry cereals.

“Minseok-hyung’s still cleaning this late,” Yixing noted, still preoccupied with the scene of the eldest vacuuming the stairs when he went out of Junmyeon’s room.

“Kyungsoo almost got bald pulling at his and Jongdae’s hair while you and Junmyeon-hyung were fighting,” supplied Baekhyun.

“Kyungsoo’s arrived?” he asked, remembering the younger’s shooting schedule for a film. And did a double take because Kyungsoo’s hair was in its shortest for years.

“He was already in his room when we returned,” Baekhyun muttered. “It’s what happens when parents fight around their kids, you know. Kyungsoo’s already almost bald, you know.” The younger finished it with a noncommittal shrug as he chewed his food.

“I’ll have to talk to the rest and apologize, then,” Yixing thought out loud and Baekhyun returned with a nod. He then looked around, seeking the familiar white paper bag from earlier. “Do you know where Chanyeol put the food we brought?”

“He ate it,” Baekhyun dryly answered and shoved another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Yixing’s jaw fell and his palm automatically found his forehead while his other hand occupied his waist.

The younger’s eyes rounded and he hurriedly left his seat to stop Yixing from leaving the kitchen, all the while saying, “Kidding, hyung! Kidding!” and waving his arms forward to hold Yixing in place.

“Let’s see the microwave. I think he already heated them since Jongin was being a baby,” Baekhyun suggested, shielding his butt from any slap Yixing had prepared for. He pulled the microwave door oven and just like he told Yixing, a container of food was inside. “See? It’s here.”

“It better be,” Yixing said as he got the warm container out and grabbed a bowl from the rack to transfer the chicken rice meal into. It was a silent affair aside from Baekhyun’s leering beside him.

“So?” the younger started. Yixing answered with a hum as he opened their dorm fridge to get a bottle of water. “Are you two boyfriends now?” Baekhyun asked that Yixing finally looked at him.

“We haven’t talked about it,” he admitted, picking up a spoon and a pair of chopsticks from the drawer and wrapping them in a folded paper towel.

“Come on, men! You two have been stalling this for so long!” Baekhyun moaned as he continued to follow Yixing around the kitchen and was absently handing him things; like the paper towel earlier.

“We’ll talk about it. I guess,” answered Yixing as his mind was preoccupied with holding the bowl of food on one hand and the utensils and water bottle with the other. “Eventually. Food first,” he continued although it was obvious with his tone that he was not thinking about the topic right now.

The younger only sighed and flopped back on his high chair with a sardonic grin and a “Get out of here, hyung.”

Yixing only chuckled to that as the younger blew him raspberries until he turned to go back to Junmyeon’s room.

♦

When Yixing returned, Junmyeon was already busy typing in front of his laptop. The sound of the pressed keys softened to a pause as Yixing put the bowl of food on the desk, next to Junmyeon’s computer.

“I’ve yet to finish writing the reveals post. Do you want to help me with it?” Junmyeon asked.

“Am I being reinstated?”

Junmyeon nodded. “I have to say it has been tough without you. I am so sorry for suddenly kicking you out,” he told Yixing as he turned his swivel chair to the side and reached for Yixing’s hands to hold it. “I need you in this project. Please come back.” Junmyeon pouted, which immediately got a nod from Yixing.

“Okay. I’m in,” he said, just so they were clear. Junmyeon left his seat and coaxed Yixing to sit on it instead. “Are you going to work on the bed?” Yixing asked Junmyeon who had successfully stuffed a spoonful of food into his mouth.

“No. But I have better idea,” muttered the older and before Yixing could ask, Junmyeon had already picked up his laptop and sat on Yixing's lap. “See? It’s cozy.”

It wasn’t. Not when two grown-ups were forcing themselves to fit on a chair meant for only one person. That didn’t deter Junmyeon, though, who was fully convinced he was small, as he bent both his legs on the left armrest so he could perch his laptop on his lap while his back rested on the right armrest with Yixing’s arm securing him in place.

“This is your better idea?” Yixing grunted as he adjusted in his seat and pulled Junmyeon closer to avoid the other from falling off.

“Just tell me if you don’t agree,” Junmyeon challenged, flashing him a grin before going back to facing the opened word processor window.

“How are you supposed to eat in this situation?” Yixing groaned. “I can’t help you like this, either!”

“Oh, sure you can. Hold my laptop for me first,” Junmyeon instructed as he reached for the bowl and spoon on the table, and settled them on his thighs before his laptop. Yixing gripped on the older’s computer while his other hand resolved to keep Junmyeon from falling. Junmyeon managed to do a little butt wiggle as a victory dance albeit their precarious situation.

“Myeon, this won’t work!” Yixing moaned.

“This is called teamwork. And get your hand from my waist to hold this bowl.”

“You’ll fall off!”

“Trust me, I won’t.”

Yixing let out a sigh as he adjusted to secure the bowl while still securing Junmyeon on his lap.

“And now I can work on our reveals post while your other hand uses the spoon to bring the food to my mouth,” the other confidently said while Yixing let out another groan. “We won’t know if my idea fails unless we try. Now feed me. Aaah~”

Yixing could not facepalm for the life of him in their position so he just put all his focus in scooping food from the bowl and making sure it would land properly into Junmyeon’s mouth. His first try was sloppy, with some rice falling on the other’s lap. Then it improved the more he continued his feeding.

Junmyeon’s cheeks were bulging as he kept on working, pausing from time to time to flash Yixing a grin. And it seemed to be an effective sort of motivation for Yixing since the once-full bowl was finally clean with just a few attempts.

“See, I told you,” Junmyeon said as he pinched Yixing’s cheek and put the bowl and spoon to the side. He then took a few sips from his water and went back to finishing his message for their post.

Now that his hands had no use aside from going back to securing Junmyeon, Yixing decided to wrap his arms around the older for a side hug and rested his head on the side of Junmyeon’s arm while watching the words form on the screen in front of them.

“Xing.” He hummed an answer. “You’re not going to sleep on me, are you?”

“I’ve yet to include my message for the post, right?” Yixing returned.

“Yes. And I’ll type it for you,” Junmyeon said.

Yixing did not waste time dictating his brief thanks for those who supported their event and especially his fellow mod for the hard work. Junmyeon suggested he should change his Chirp Chirp avatar, too, so he relented and left it to the older to choose. His legs had long turned numb from Junmyeon’s weight and his brain had enough processing for today that he could not wait to sleep.

Junmyeon did some additional minor editing and formatting and after a while of loading pages on the laptop screen, their post was uploaded, signifying the end of their initial round of tales fest. The funny thing about it was that they both sighed in relief after Junmyeon announced that it was done and closed his laptop.

“And I’m off to bed,” Yixing announced, patting Junmyeon’s hip so they can finally get out of the chair.

He’d surely need help for his numb legs but that’d come after relieving it from the older’s weight and a bit of stretching. Yet, Junmyeon refused to budge from their position.

“Wait,” Junmyeon told Yixing.

“What?” Yixing wondered, weary from all that had happened for the day but still attentive with whatever Junmyeon would do or say. Or at least he was trying his hardest to pay attention.

“Can I kiss you now?” Junmyeon carefully asked, which had Yixing smiling at how adorable the older was for asking permission.

He nodded, and decided to spare Junmyeon from most of the work by leaning in and catching the other’s lips. They both smiled at the softness and sweetness of it that Yixing followed to catch Junmyeon’s sighs when the older pulled away.

Yixing didn’t have to say anything when Junmyeon cupped his cheek and pulled to connect their lips once again, rivaling the desperation and want each of them had when they kissed in the practice room. The only difference this time was that they both knew what their kiss meant and it was enough of a reason for them to be wanting and giving more to each other.

A dull thud on the floor was ignored as each of them, frantic as they were, sought to only please each other. Yixing’s hand roamed on Junmyeon’s thigh and reached higher to squeeze his ass as he pulled him closer while Junmyeon busied himself kissing along Yixing’s jaw and down his neck and going back to kissing Yixing on the mouth to ground themselves.

His other hand was already underneath Junmyeon's shirt, and already gripping the other by the waist. Yixing's lips a whisper short of asking the older to take it off when the bedroom door flew open and Chanyeol’s booming voice was shouting “Hyung! What happened—Aaaah!”

Junmyeon was almost hissing as he breathed in, Yixing’s hands went limp on the older’s skin, while Chanyeol’s saucer-sized eyes became the size of the dinner plates when he saw them from the door, still stuck on the chair and all over each other.

Chanyeol was dumbstruck until Minseok peeked in, muttered ‘Oh shit’ and closed the door for them, leaving the younger giant inside the room. Junmyeon was shaking from obvious rage and embarrassment which had Yixing rub soothing circles at the small of his back when the older started to breathe deeper.

“For goodness’ sake Park Chanyeol!” Junmyeon snarled. “You better have a frickin’ good reason—”

“Aaaah!” Chanyeol managed to vocalise like a toddler with the voice of an empty oil drum while pointing to the floor and to the familiar laptop which was on Junmyeon’s lap earlier.

Yixing’s ‘damn’ and Junmyeon’s ‘fuck’ filled the silence as all three pairs of eyes in the bedroom stared at the portable computer which remained overturned on the floor.

♦

“You can’t have both at the same time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's already October seventh on where I'm posting this (though AO3 time says otherwise) so... happiest birthday to our favourite sheep-turned-shepherd who has been inspired by Paolo Coelho for his third album! 
> 
> May Yixing's soul-searching not be in vain. Let us do our best to support the current as well as his future releases. ^ ^


End file.
